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18 July, 2012

Cambot's Voice: MST-212--GODZILLA vs. MEGALON


Cambot’s Voice by S. J. Martiene

EXPERIMENT 12:  Godzilla vs. Megalon


Summertime….and the movie-watchin’ is easy.  It is EASY especially when the temps hover between 105 and 110.  I mean, who really wants to spend time in the outdoors when air-conditioning is much more pleasing to us poor humans.  Each summer, my boys celebrate Kaijune and Kaijuly.  During this time of year, they watch as many Japanese monster films (RUBBER SUITS A MUST) as they can.  So, what better time to peek in on one of MST3K treatments of said genre.  Though the title plasters Godzilla as the lead monster against villain, Megalon, he barely makes more than a cameo appearance.  Man-made robot, Jet Jaguar is the “hero” here, Megalon the monster….and another villain played by Gigan and the people of Seatopia.  Oh yeah, three annoying human leads in Goro, Roku, and Hiroshi (aka Rex Dart, Eskimo Spy) are also in this film, along with the Japanese Military, and Oscar Wilde.  Confused yet?  Don’t worry, you will be.
Without further delay, from 1973 (though not release in the States until 1976), GODZILLA VS. MEGALON:

Cast

Credited cast:
...
...
Rokuro 'Roku-chan' Ibuki
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Emperor Antonio of Seatopia
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Lead Seatopian Agent
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Seatopian Agent
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Truck Driver (as Gen Nakajima)
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Truck Driver's Assistant
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Man from Unit 1
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Japan Special Defense Forces Chief
...
...
...
...
Gaigan (as Kengo Nakayama)
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
...
Antonio's Aide (Radio Operator in White)
Courtesy of www.imdb.com

HOST SEGMENT
In the opening segment, J&TB talk about everything they have on the day’s show.  Robert Goulet, Moms Mabley, elephants, and silly putty are on the agenda.  Crow asks about “pain”.  Dr. Forester  has bandaged up Frank and laments “The Rosie Grier head is not taking”.  Joel begins his invention exchange with one of my favorite lines:  “If you’re like me and I know I am”.  He is making homemade Halloween costumes include:  The Floor of a movie theater, missing child milk carton “Have you seen me?” (Servo), aluminum foil-over-the-head Iron Man, and Jiffy Pop Popcorn.  Dr. F has his own costume idea as a Foosball Goalie.   Frank puts an air filter over his head and is Geordi Laforge from STAR TREK:  DS9.

MOVIE SIGN
The movie begins with a newsreel about a nuclear explosion in the Aleutians in 1971.  They then show the effects of explosion on Monster Island .  “Whenever they test nuclear explosions, it’s the monsters who suffer”.  (Crow)  Now, Godzilla is ticked off….explosions everywhere into the opening credits.  We quickly shift to a scene of a young boy on a ridiculous watercraft and his two male companions.  SUDDENLY, there’s an earthquake.  The boy, Roku, cannot get out of the water.  The water starts to bubble, things are desperate.  “Well this is what happens when you go into the water less than a half-hour after eating.” (Joel)  Because the male companions have a Bat-belt (I am only guessing here), they produce a rope to shoot out to the boy and reel him in like Today’s Catch.  “Let’s go on a picnic.  We have our food, drinks, and 50 ft. of uncoiled rope.”  (Crow)  “Note to myself:  Never vacation on an active volcano.” (Crow)  The waters continue to rumble and roar while the trio looks on.  They drive off and suddenly it is night (or just very blue…one cannot say).  They find their apartment has been broken into.  “OH MY GOD!!  THE HUMIDIFIER COMMITED SUICIDE!!!”  (Crow)  The perpetrators are still in the room and a brawl breaks out.  Everyone seems to be okay….but it is hard to tell with all the blue lighting.  Male #1 (Hiroshi) races off after the perps.  “Mach a go go! Mach a go go!  Mach a go go, GO!!!”  (J&TB)   Goro  (the inventor) checks damage in the apartment.  It seems the VERY LARGE robot in the middle of the floor is safely intact.  For some reason, the movie felt a screech-filled chase scene was integral to the movie’s progression.  Back at the apartment, the trio discovers some “magic rocks”.  We smoothly transition to Robot-building, the following day, and Roku riding a self-built motorbike thingy.  Goro and Hiroshi admire the robot.  “Hal is reading your lips!”  (Joel).  Discussions take place about the volcanic activity.
The movie switches between the bad guys and the male leads.  We find out here the robot has been christened, Jet Jaguar.  The bad guys have caught up to Roku.

HOST SEGMENT
Crow and Servo are looking at pictures they aren’t supposed to be looking at.  Joel walks up and they say they are working on their monster drawing.  Each bot tries to one-up the other’s descriptions.  “My monster is as silent as tomorrow.  He kills in the night.  He has been ... acquainted.”  (Crow)  Joel gets tired of listening to them and leaves.  The bots go back to their picture-looking and start to argue over their robot drawing stories.

MOVIE SIGN
The bad guys break in and call Seatopia.  The leader of Seatopia calls for war on the earth.  He calls on Megalon.  “Great he’s going to take over the world with interpretative dance”.  (Crow)  With much fanfare, Megalon appears.   “If Siegfried and Roy got a wake-up call, I think it would something like this.” (Joel)  “It’s Edward Scissorhands.” (Crow)  “What a hothead.” (Servo)  “He awakes with the worst special effects of the morning.” (Servo)  Back to the trio:  We find Goro and Roku tied up in the back of a truck.  “I have to go to the bathroom”.  (Servo)  Hiroshi  is knocked out in his apartment and the bad guys are using his equipment to control Jet Jaguar.  Hiroshi wakes up to the bad guy (Oscar Wilde look-a-like) using his machinery.  “I am going to read parts of The Picture of Dorian Gray.  I want you to be honest about it.” (Crow)  The captives free of their bonds but are still in the truck…on their way to Seatopia.  After a lame fight, Hiroshi escapes to save his friends.  “Rex Dark, Eskimo Spy”  (Joel)  “Rex Dark pops the clutch and tells the thugs to eat his dust”  (Crow)  “Action sequences filmed in Confuse-o-Vision”  (Joel)  “Suddenly, we’re watching MANNIX”  (Crow)  Mercifully, Megalon flies up out of the ground.  “Alright, forget everything you’ve seen until now!”  (Crow)  Megalon follows Jet Jaguar, cities are evacuated, and there is a huge military response.  Goro and the boy are about to be dumped into a dam….but…wait……What is that noise?  IT’S MEGALON.  “Here’s a preview of my Broadway show”  (Crow)  Hiroshi arrives to save his friends.

HOST SEGMENT
This segment is a tribute to Rex Dart, Eskimo Spy.  A video with the montage is seen at the link below:

MOVIE SIGN
Hiroshi saves his friends from certain doom.   Megalon commences to destroy the dam.  “Pretty impressive, huh?  Well that was just the beginning.”  (Crow)  Jet Jaguar circles the area and Goro tries to control him with a medallion around his neck but that only works when he has a clear line of sight.  Aforementioned military starts shooting at Megalon.  “Someone better tell Raymond Burr, he’s late.”  (Servo)  Goro consults with the military to try and regain control of Jet Jaguar.  Goro succeeds and is sent to fetch Godzilla.  Seatopia is not pleased.  The military battle against Megalon continues.
“Meanwhile in fashionable Palm Springs”  (Servo).  Hiroshi and Goro steal a remote control airplane.  Jet Jaguar finds and summons Godzilla (in flagless semaphore).  “What’s that?  Dad’s trapped…..in  a coal mine?  In Deadrock Canyon?”  (Servo)  Jet Jaguar flies off and Godzilla tries to fly.  “I can fly!!  I can fly!!  I can’t fly!!!!  I can swim.”  (Crow)  And with that, Godzilla is on his way.  More model-crushing by Megalon continues.

Hiroshi and Roku return to the apartment and beat up the bad guy.  “THAT’s for Lady Windermere’s Fan!!  That’s for The Picture of Dorian Gray!!”  (Servo)    Seatopia calls for Gigan.  Jet Jaguar has achieved free will and does not respond to commands.   Jet Jaguar GROWS to fight Megalon.  “Just call me the Orkin Man.”  (Crow)  “HIKEEBA!”  (Servo)  “He’s got a foreign object!”  (Crow)  “He IS a foreign object.”  (Servo)  Godzilla has …..ALMOST….arrived.   Suddenly, Gigan arrives and is fighting Jet Jaguar as well.  *Enough beating on the breasts, let’s get to it!!”  (Crow)  Crow wants arms like Gigan or Megalon.  “You will bow down before me, Jet Jaguar!”  (Crow)  Jet Jaguar gets a beat down by the other two  monsters.

HOST SEGMENT
Crow and Servo are Orville Redenbacher and his grandson.  The younger Redenbacher laments that their lame attire is why he cannot find chicks to breed with him.  The elder says it is his empire and he decides the hairstyles.  The banter ends in screaming, crying, and the loss of an inheritance.  You know, regular family stuff.

MOVIE SIGN
GODZILLA FINALLY ARRIVES!!!  “Well, it’s about time, Mr. Mark Spitz.  Have a nice swim?” (Crow)  “I have come to chew sushi and kick butt, and I’m ALL out of sushi!”  (Crow)   “Listen, you don’t want to die, and I don’t want to have to kill you.”  (Joel)  “Take your time, thanks Godzilla”.  (Joel)  “This kind of reminds me when we beat up Rodan.  You know, the good old days.”  (Crow)  “Hey!  You smell something?  It smells like LIZARD!!”  (Servo)  “I like you.  I think I’ll kill you FIRST.”  (Crow)  The battle is on:  Megalon and Gigan vs. Godzilla and Jet Jaguar.  J&TB do a play-by-lay of the battle.  “Hurts, don’t it?”  (Joel)  “Even if Godzilla loses, he’s aces in my book.”  (Crow)  Godzilla and Jet Jaguar are surrounded  by a ring of fire, but eventually  fly out and dispense their final destruction.  “Monster’s are flame-broiled not fried, folks.”  (Joel)  For some reason, Godzilla drops on his tail and races to the final punch to Megalon.  “No Japanese actors in rubber suits were killed in the making of this film”.  (Servo)  Jet Jaguar and Godzilla shake hands.   Godzilla exits.  Goro, Hiroshi, and Roku meet up with Jet Jaguar and the movie closes with the Jet Jaguar song.  “I never liked you kid”  (Crow) 

HOST SEGMENT
Joel gives the robots their new arms.  The Bots are not pleased, except Servo does like his flamethrower arm.  Joel wants to segue into THEIR version of the Jet Jaguar Song.  “You do it, I’m bitter.”  (Crow)  Servo introduces it.

Jet Jaguar Song

Back in Deep 13, Dr. F and TV’s Frank are playing a game of Super Mario.

I hope you enjoyed this little rubber-suited entry into the Mystery Science Theater 3000’s Kaiju library.  Copies of the skewered Godzilla movies are hard to find as Toho made sure they didn’t see the light of day for very long.  Thankfully, you can find it on YouTube, so enjoy!!!!





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