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Enter the Crypt as John "The Unimonster" Stevenson and his merry band of ghouls rants and raves about the current state of Horror, as well as reviews Movies, Books, DVD's and more, both old and new.

From the Desk of the Unimonster...

From the Desk of the Unimonster...

Welcome everyone to the Unimonster’s Crypt! Well, the winter’s chill has settled into the Crypt, and your friendly Unimonster won’t stop shivering until May! To take my mind off the cold, we’re going to take a trip into the future … the future of Star Trek! Star Trek was the Unimonster’s first love, and we’ll examine that in this week’s essay. We’ll also inaugurate a new continuing column for The Unimonster’s Crypt, one written by the Uni-Nephew himself! This week he examines one of his favorite films, one that, quite frankly, failed to impress his uncle, Jordan Peele’s Nope. So enjoy the reading and let us hear from you, live long and prosper, and … STAY SCARY!

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Showing posts with label Mombie's Musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mombie's Musings. Show all posts

01 April, 2014

For the Love of Laughter, Horror (and Hosts), and CHEESE!

S. J. Martiene


For as long as I can remember I have enjoyed a good laugh, a good fright, and have been exposed to my fair share of bad movies.  Growing up with Bugs Bunny, The Marx Brothers, Bob Hope, Carol Burnett, Johnny Carson, The Dean Martin Roasts, and the endless one-liners from the ORIGINAL Hollywood Squares game show, I became quite skilled with the “aside”, sarcasm, innuendo, and just downright belly-laughing guffaws.  Oh yeah, I failed to include HEE HAW in that mix (along with too many other names and shows).  That show instilled its own kind of humor which is still with me to this day.  During my pre-teen and teenage years, I was fortunate to spend some of my movie-watching hours at the drive-in.  To this day, I can remember vividly some of the shock, schlock, and shivers.  I remember the taste and the smell of the popcorn, the anticipation of the Intermission Countdown, and the crackle of the speakers. All of these are wonderful memories indeed, and helpful to drown out the painful thoughts of the hometown drive-in that was destroyed to make room for a strip mall.

Accompanied with this outside-the-home movie enjoyment, we had our own TV Horror Host (The Fear Monger).  Between his Saturday night escapades, I was exposed to arguably the greatest TV decade EVER, particularly for the horror, suspense, and crime genre.  Seriously, with fare like Kolchak: The Night Stalker, The NBC Mystery Movie, Circle of Fear, and movies like The Legend of Lizzie Borden, Crowhaven Farm, Don’t be Afraid of the Dark, and Gargoyles how could I NOT love it!!  I still watch these on coveted DVDs today!!!  Ah the 70’s, full of highs and many personal lows, but little did I know that it would be nearly another 20 years of living before another show would cram EVERYTHING together for me in a nice, neat Cowtown Puppet Show package.

FAST FORWARD:  March 1992

So I went to school, went to work, had moved to South Florida where I would meet my future husband and we would start our family.  In March ’92, I was watching The Comedy Channel (Comedy Central’s first name), and I discovered something beautiful.  There was this guy, with two robots, in a spaceship theater, and they were TALKING through The Crawling Hand. It was love at first sight.  Whenever work and life schedule would permit it, I was watching this show.  Then, I noticed the show always ended with a salute to “The authors of the First Amendment and The Teachers of America” AND then it would say…”KEEP CIRCULATING THE TAPES”.  SO I started recording the episodes as often as I could.   And it is this show that I have taught my boys to love and that we are STILL watching a quarter-century later:  Mystery Science Theater 3000.

As many know, MST3K started as a local show in Minneapolis (KTMA) in 1989 and was the brain-child of comedian-extraordinaire, Joel Hodgson.  It revolved around a maintenance guy (Joel Robinson played by Hodgson) who worked for two nefarious characters, Dr. Erhardt (Josh “Elvis” Weinstein) and Dr. Clayton Forrester (Trace Beaulieu), at Gizmonic Institute.  He was forced into a human experiment of watching painfully bad movies to break his spirit. Erhardt and Forrester thought that the success of this experiment would further their advancement in conquering the world.  Joel, getting lonely in space, created robots from things he found around the ship.  These robots would become his children, friends, and sparring partners and two of them would even accompany him into the theater to share his movie experiences:  Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot.

Josh Weinstein gave Tom Servo life during the KTMA year and the “official” Season 1 on Comedy Central.  Trace Beaulieu managed Crow T. Robot from the beginning until MST3K left CC to join The Sci-Fi Channel (now SyFy) in 1997.  All of them, along with Kevin Murphy (Future Tom Servo), Michael J. Nelson (future host), and Bill Corbett (future Crow T. Robot), Frank Coniff (TV’s Frank who replace Weinstein in Season 2) and many others added their own comedy touches within the writing of the show.  The humor would normally stay current with many pop culture references to the 60’s and 70’s (which I identified with completely).  Every once in awhile, there will be a topical political joke or pun that could get lost in future years.  The greatest thing about this show is that it was great at being an “EQUAL OPPORTUNITY POLITICAL JOKESTER”.  What I mean by that is that the SHOW did not take sides, and I loved that so much.  I remember that is why I loved Johnny Carson because he railed BOTH sides of the aisle.  For this reason and because the show never strayed from what it was – three characters sitting and making fun of movies, it will likely remain a cult favorite.  And let’s face it, most of us have talked to our TV sets all our lives!!!   AND…they got to do it in a THEATER…..now THAT was cool.

Another element that endeared me to Mystery Science Theater was it contained many characteristics of the “Horror Host” movies so prevalent in my younger years.  I became acquainted with the opening segments and skits between commercial breaks.  As a kid, I always felt this broke the tension of the very SCARY movies being aired that night.  As an adult, I found these bits filled with dry humor and wonderful sight gags that I continue to use today.  The tribute to the Horror Host was quite evident.  There were mad scientists, invention exchanges, running jokes from episode to episode, cheap props, and the destruction of civilizations – all neatly confined on the bone-shaped ship called The Satellite of Love.  Of course, there was an Umbilicus that connected them to Deep 13 (The Mads’ Lair), but that is going to lead to some tedious detail about the show’s final years…and well…..JUST WATCH, okay?????  In addition, there were all kinds of visitors and intruders on the SOL over the years; from Demon Dogs to Nanites.  Even a quarter-century after its birth, MST3K is still gaining fans and getting DVD releases each year.  Not bad for a show that used broken pieces of a Hungry Hungry Hippo game and Millennium Falcon model as parts for the set.
Lastly, the show EMBRACED the bad movie.  Lord knows that if Hollyweird knows how to put out one product well, it is the cheesy flick.  Not all of the MST3K library includes the horror/sci-fi genre either, sometimes it would delve into the Action (MST3K #614 San Francisco International), Fantasy (MST3K #505 The Magic Voyage of Sinbad), Teenage Angst (MST3K #507 I Accuse My Parents), and the occasional Ed Wood or Coleman Francis film (because they deserve their own category, don’t they? ... hmmmm???).  Personally, I love the horror and science fiction genres the best; HOWEVER, many laughs are to be had at the expense of these other films, along with the short subjects that sometimes accompany movies who’s running times needed padding.  If you are a child of the 1960’s, you may remember actually viewing some of those short subjects in school.  Personally, I remember seeing Keeping Neat and Clean (MST3K #613 The Sinister Urge) in one of our Health Classes, AND I am pretty sure I also was lucky (ahem) to see The Chicken of Tomorrow (MST3K #702 The Brute Man). I’m sure there were many others too.  It’s a shame today’s kids are not exposed to these cinematic morsels, but MY BOYS ARE…. hee hee hee.  And no, don’t call CPS, it is NOT an enforceable offense – I've checked.

We are fortunate today that Mystery Science Theater lives on through tapes, DVDs, and even is streamed through Netflix, Hulu, and shows can be found on YouTube.  Many of the show’s members branched out to do their own incarnations of MST3K in other ventures.  Joel Hodgson headed Cinematic Titanic which did live appearances and DVD releases.  They disbanded in 2013 as members (which included Frank Coniff and Trace Beaulieu) decided to do other projects.  Hodgson revived the old Comedy Central format of an MST3K Turkey Day celebration by running a humorous and heartfelt marathon on a YouTube channel on Thanksgiving Day 2013.  It was simply AMAZING!!!  The most successful spin-off has been the RiffTrax collaboration of Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett.  The RT crew leaves NOTHING unscathed:  Shorts, serials, good movies, bad movies, blockbusters, or the blockbuster.  They utilize video-on-demand where customers have the option to download the movies to their own devices OR purchase DVD’s.  RiffTrax can also bypass excruciating “rights” purchases by just selling commentaries to movies most of can rent or readily acquire.  Do you know how much fun it has been to watch ALL the Star Wars movies completely riffed???  It is sheer joy, my friend…pure joy.
In conclusion, if you like to laugh and you don’t mind some of your precious little films getting stepped on, seek out Mystery Science Theater 3000, Cinematic Titanic, and RiffTrax.  DO IT!!  Do it NOW…..DON’T LOSE ANOTHER DAY!!!






01 May, 2010

Mombie's Musings: For the Love of a Horror-Host

It has become painfully apparent to me that I am getting older. My children are growing and the world is changing… MY world is changing. As I go through this painful lack of control, I find myself more nostalgic every day. I also find myself losing patience with overused words or phrases as well. This impatience I completely blame on my retail career which spanned nearly two decades. Catchphrases such as “new and improved,” “rollout,” and “ramp-up” made my head cringe, and I would go out of my way to substitute ANY word or phrase just so I didn’t have to hear them again. Since leaving the retail world to concentrate on raising my boys, I have become more cognizant of what is going on socially and politically… and well… I don’t have to tell anyone that politicians can overuse a phrase more than Carter has little pills. Oh, did that lose some of you? Okay… let’s try another… politicians can overuse a phrase more than Nintendo has Pokémon characters. There is one phrase… one I wish they would FOREVER cease to use, and that is “Fearmonger,” because to me… there was only one Fearmonger, and he invaded our home on Saturday nights in the early 1970’s. It is to him I owe a deep gratitude for the love of classic horror movies that I still have today.

In 1971, the Louisville TV market boasted only three channels (not counting the PBS channels, which you could always get in). My boys always find this amusing that we only had THREE channels to choose from, and when there was “nothing” on… well… Today, we have hundreds of channels to choose from, and STILL there is NOTHING on. In February of that year, an upstart “Independent” channel came into town, WDRB-TV 41 (now Fox). You would have thought the heavens had opened up. Finally, WE had a clown show (Presto was his name), and we would get treated to a myriad of syndicated shows like Ultraman, The Patty Duke Show, and The Munsters. Then, a beautiful thing happened in March—Fright Night premiered at 7 p.m. on Saturday nights! This was especially great for someone my age at the time (I was 10 and my three younger siblings stair-stepped down in years from me). Fright Night typically ran a double-feature, so it would fill the time slot until 10 p.m. Now, Fright Night was the Shock Theater package of films primarily containing some of the Universal and MGM classic movies that had great movie runs, and some that had B- and perhaps C-movie status. You would be treated to THEM! one week and a couple of weeks later have to contend with Ed Wood’s BRIDE OF THE MONSTER. The variety was fantastic….and to top it all off, we had a dry-humored, low-budget Horror Host to match this set-up.

Charles Kissinger was the Fearmonger. Using just a light on his face, and cracking some very...very…worn out jokes, the Fearmonger would introduce the movie and occasionally pop in-between commercial breaks. It was so low budget that we could even recreate the Fearmonger at home. Frankly…when I saw THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT….there seemed to be a bit of Fearmonger-ish camera work there. The humor was SO much appreciated too…I mean, BACK THEN…THOSE MOVIES WERE SCARY!!! I’ll never forget the torture after one showing of THE LAST MAN ON EARTH, for YEARS my brothers saw fit to torture my sister and me by pounding on our bedroom door at night and yelling, “MORGAN! COME OUT! COME OUT!! MORGAN!!” I’m not sure how many years went by before I could actually watch that movie alone, but I have recovered from that psychological sibling beat down. In fact, LMOE is one of my favorite movies and I watch it now several times a year. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that Vincent Price is in it either.

Fright Night ran until September 6, 1975, and it is sad that none of the tapes of the shows exist anymore. Oh maybe perhaps SOMEONE out there recorded something…and has it buried in their barn… All I know is I have no memory of the theme song. I have a faint recollection of the Fearmonger’s voice (seemingly a cross between Karloff and Barnabas Collins). I only have a deep-appreciated love for those old movies…and this love I have passed down to my boys as well. It is difficult to believe that nearly 40 years have gone by now, and I have seen several different horror host. Many of them are much splashier with bigger budgets… Many of them injecting their own “brand” of humor into their characters and all of them with the same goal in mind—DO NOT LET THESE CLASSIC MOVIES FADE AWAY.

For me, I will always remember Saturday nights as Fright Night, and Charles Kissinger’s portrayal as the Fearmonger saying, “Good evening, Fright Night fans…”

Shhhhh….I hear pounding on my door…
I’d like to thank the following website for its information and dedication to Charles Kissinger: The Fearmonger's Chambers

Sheila “Mombie” Fiene






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