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19 February, 2012

Cambot's Voice by S. J. Martiene: EXPERIMENT 9: THE SHE-CREATURE



Cambot’s Voice by S. J. Martiene

EXPERIMENT  10:  The She creature/


Here we are…It’s February of 2012.  I have slugged through the coldest part of winter (with no snow in the southern reaches of The Crypt I might add) and still there is the strangest feeling I have left my –with apologies to Hercule Poirot – “little gray cells” firmly back on Christmas Vacation of 2011.  This month, we are featuring MST3K #808 The She Creature


Be prepared for copious amounts of staring from prominent cast members, Lance Fuller (Dr. Ted Erickson) and Marla English  (hypnotized assistant to Dr. Lombardi, Andrea Talbot).

 I would also be remiss if I left out The character of “King, the dog” was played by renowned canine, Spike, who was famous for his starring role as Old Yeller and Chloe in Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice?.  This movies also casts Tom Conway and Frieda Inescort as Mr. and Mrs. Chappel.  Tom Conway was George Sanders’ brother (their voices are very similar).  He starred in The Cat People and did voiceover work in Disney’s Peter Pan and 101 Dalmations.   Frieda Inescort starred in A Place in the Sun, Pride and Prejudice, and The Letter.  I might add my surprise in seeing a man cast as the SHE creature.  Needless to say, this movie has issues.

THE SHE CREATURE Cast (in credits order)
...
Dr. Carlo Lombardi
...
Timothy Chappel
...
Dorothy Chappel
...
Dr. Ted Erickson
...
Police Lt. Ed James
...
Mrs. Chappel
...
Andrea Talbott
...
Plainclothes Sgt. with Lt. James
...
Olaf
...
Johnny
...
Bob (as Bill Hudson)
...
Marta
...
Mrs. Brown
...
Police Doctor with Prof. Anderson
...
Lombardi's Lawyer
...
Professor Anderson
...
The She-Creature
rest of cast listed alphabetically:
...
Pete, the Police Sergeant (uncredited)
...
Party Guest (uncredited)
...
Bit Role (uncredited)
...
Party Guest (uncredited)
...
Bit Role (uncredited)
...
Party Guest (uncredited)
...
Extra (uncredited)
...
Party Guest (uncredited)
...
Bit Role (uncredited)
...
Party Guest (uncredited)
...
Dog (uncredited)

Courtesy of www.imdb.com

The feature begins with Crow screaming for Mike.  He is in a melted heap on the counter, because he misused his Thighmaster.  Mike informs Crow that he is using a THAW-master instead.  Servo pops in with a ham that he is trying to unfreeze with the THAW-master.  You guessed it!  The ham was attached to a Thighmaster.  Those crazy bots!  Meanwhile, The Brain Guys are experimenting on Bobo and Pearl is behind a (mime) force field.  She asks Mike and The Bots to set up a distraction.  M&TB call on the Nanites for help.  Ultimately, the Brain Guys’ planet blows up (this happened to Bobo’s home planet as well).

MOVIE SIGN
The movie opens with a Dr. Carlo Lombardi voice-over by the ocean.  Lombardi is a hypnotist/psychic/prophet and all around greasy guy.  *Dr. Carlo Lombardi, Yonkers* (Mike)  *We hear the Dog bark *And I, Dr. Woof-Woof Lombardi!*  (Mike)  *What’s that?  Grampa Lombardi fell down a well?*  (Crow)  There are mysterious footprints leading to a beach cottage….BUT the movie cuts to a party with the rest of the cast.  Mr. and Mrs.  Chappel discuss Dr. Lombardi’s show.  We cut back to Dr. Lombardi entering the beach cottage and all the carnage inside.  *Mayhem I can put up with, it’s the damn dust I can’t…*  (Crow)  Erickson and Dorothy (the Chappel’s daughter) walk along the beach and run into the Dog (whose name is apparently King) barking over and over.  Erickson:  He wants us to follow him.  *You think so?* (Mike).  After seeing Dr. Lombardi leaving the cottage, they follow King inside *Let me prove to you I’m not the only one who craps in the corner* (Mike)
The police are a called.  *King is The Scorpio Killer* (Mike)  Seaweed is discovered at the scene, everyone is mystified.  Switching to carnival scene and Lombardi warns a barker to stay away from Andrea (his muse).  We scroll down the show poster for Lombardi   *See his lecture series, let a smile be your calling card*  (Mike)  *Author, lecturer, choreographer* (Crow)  *Endorsed by King, the Dog* (Servo)  *I barked my ass off!  You’ll laugh, you’ll growl, you’ll pee!* (Mike)  We finally meet Andrea and she affirms her hate for Lombardi *I can’t help but thinking that was aimed at me* (Servo).  The police and Dr. Erickson (dazed by the lack of blouse on Andrea) arrive to question Lombardi.  Lombardi begins his story of the she creature, the policeman is not amused.


HOST SEGMENT
Crow shows Mike the “Tickle-Me Carlo Lombardi” doll.  Crow has full, creepy selling techniques and a jingle to  go with it.   After it is all said and done, Crow doesn’t think it is such a great idea after all.


MOVIE SIGN
The movie returns to breakfast at The Chappel’s home.  King is barking and we are introduced to Olaf, the “comic” cook.  Chappel and Erickson discuss Lombardi’s prognostications of a she creature.  Chappel wants to exploit him, Erickson is not buying it.  Chappel heads to Lombardi to bargain with him.  Chappel’s offer overwhelms Lombardi.  Chappel invites Lombardi to his home to perform and prognosticate about the she creature.  Lombardi predicts another death:  I feel her presence even now.  *NO PRESENTS BEFORE CHRISTMAS* (Crow)  Lombardi summons the she creature and she comes bubbling out of the ocean.  *The ocean needs Zantac* (Crow)  The carnival barker is killed and the police come after Lombardi again.  The authorities close the beach.  Chappel’s lawyer bails Lombardi out.

Next, we move to the Chappel’s party.  The festivities are full of cha-cha-ing, comic Swedes, and social tensions.  *Look familiar Mike?* (Crow).  FINALLY, Dr. Lombardi and Andrea arrive…AND the police do as well.  Dr. Lombardi begins his act with Andrea.  Lombardi:  I shall touch you and you shall be asleep.  *Oh, like every night* (Mike)  Erickson notices Andrea is trying to fight Lombardi.  Lombardi introduces Dr. Erickson as a man gins his act with Andrea.  Lombardi:  I shall touch you and you shall be asleep.  *Oh, like every night* (Mike)  Erickson notices Andrea is trying to fight Lombardi.  Lombardi introduces Dr. Erickson as a man who is trying to ‘defraud and expose him”  *No…yuck….* (the Gang) 

HOST SEGMENT
Brain Guy, Bobo, and Pearl are in the Forrester Bus riding through space.  Brain Guy is crying because his planet was destroyed.  Pearl wants to sing a round of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”.  There is extreme difficulty in explaining what a “round” is all about.  Suddenly, they have a blown tire and even though it makes no difference because they are in space, Bobo steps out to fix it.  Bobo plummets to the closest ground.
MOVIE SIGN
We return to Lombardi’s party act.  Erickson confirms Andrea is hypnotized.  Lombardi allows Erickson to ask Andrea questions.  Lombardi:  Now we are moving forward in time.  *It’s the year kajillion!* (Crow)  Erickson is concerned about the deepness of the trance.  *I would actually welcome a drum solo at this time* (Mike)  Lombardi summons Andrea/Elizabeth out of her body.  King enters the room and Lombardi tries to control him.  *King, you tried hard in this movie.  You just didn’t have anyone to work with*  (Crow)  Lombardi announces the she creature is about.  The party breaks up, Erickson affirms Lombardi’s power, Lombardi puts Andrea in a deeper trance.  Lombardi heads to the beach as Andrea/She Creature is about to kill Erickson.  The plot is foiled when Andrea awakes from her trance.  The next day brings more hatred from Andrea.  *You’re falling in love with me, aren’t you?* (Servo)  Lombardi puts her in a trance to tell her to resist Erickson.  *She should get a purple heart for doing this role* (Servo) 
Police Lt. James goes to Erickson’s lab to discuss Lombardi.  There is much mumbling.  The gang of doctor’s, Lombardi, Lt. James, and Andrea are together.  Lombardi sends Andrea through Time and Space.  *A dimension not of sight and sound, but of mind* (Mike)  The camera falls on Erickson *He boldly plays a guy who stands there* (Mike).  Lombardi summons the “spirit” to come out again and do tricks.  After the scientists remain unimpressed, Lombardi takes his Andrea and leaves. 
Next, we see all the money Lombardi is making for Chappel.  Chappel tries to get Lombardi to leave his home, but Lombardi won’t and he predicts more killings.  King is missing.  Lombardi and Andrea puts on show after show *Crowds of up to six applauded wildly!* (Mike)  The she creature terrorizes the beach again.  Chappel implores Lombardi to leave his home. Lombardi:  You’re an ignorant man.  *I try to keep busy…HEY!* (Mike)

HOST SEGMENT
Mike and The Bots are lauding Lance Fuller’s NON-acting method.  Mike as Lance, STILL OVERACTS in various readings.  Mike nails it reading from the WATERWORLD script.

MOVIE SIGN
Lombardi announces to Andrea that they will be leaving the country.  Lombardi:  He’ll never have you.  *Look into my upsetting moustache*  (Mike)  *Look deep into my eye bags* (Crow)  We switch to another party at the Chappel’s home.  Erickson and Andrea are walking along the beach; Lombardi follows.  King walks up to Lombardi.  *Did you bring the Frisbee* (Mike).  Lombardi commands King to go after Erickson, but it doesn’t work.  Lombardi puts on another show at the Chappel’s  house.  Andrea resists.   *Maybe if we did the wave*  (Servo)  *He’s doing all his old stuff* (Crow)  All party guests are commanded to leave.  Inexplicably, the movie cuts to Lt. James shooting the she creature, she attacks James.  James:  Lombardi was right.  *Winning isn’t everything.  It’s the only thing* (Mike)  More police arrive.  The she creature arrives at the Chappel’s home.  Mr. Chappel tries shooting, but the creature kills him as well.  The creature turns her sight on Lombardi, Andrea, and Erickson.  She goes after Lombardi.  Erickson is stunned.  * Fear, elation….what is it* (Crow) *Despair, love, joy…Tell us!*  (Crow)  *Passion concern hunger…what, Lance?*  (Crow) * Angst, apathy, gas * (Crow)   *Cold, jubilant, headachy* (Servo)  *His emotional memory is the previous scene* (Mike)  After the *Vick’s vaporub creature*  disappears, Lombardi summons Andrea awake.  The she creature disappears.  The End.  *If I ever wanted to put a movie into a stump-grinder, this is the one* (Mike)

HOST SEGMENT
M & TB discuss the ending of the movie.  They suddenly realize they can escape because Mike blew the Brain Guys’ planet.  Their try is futile when Pearl announces Brain Guy kept them from escaping…WITH HIS MIND!!  Pearl says she will keep reminding them they will NEVER ESCAPE!!  They then decide to find Bobo.

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