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08 August, 2011

Cambot's Voice by S. J. Martiene: EXPERIMENT 5: I ACCUSE MY PARENTS


Cambot’s Voice by S. J. Martiene

EXPERIMENT 5:  I accuse my parents


It’s the most WONDERFUL time of the year!!!  No, I haven’t gone off my nut, but for us in the Mid-South, during the blessed Dog Days of summer; it IS BACK-TO-SCHOOL time.  Yes, the times where Mommies cheer and kiddies jeer.  It’s back to getting up early and sending the young’uns to bed before the next day breaks before them.  It is only fitting that this month’s CV Experiment is 1944’s I ACCUSE MY PARENTS.  It is a 68-minute PSA about juvenile delinquency.  The movie stars no one you know because they have all gone into eternal hiding.  This movie features Joel as host, all The Bots, and Gypsy even gets a singing bit.  So without further postponement, indulge yourself and watch I ACCUSE MY PARENTS.

Cast (in credits order) complete, awaiting verification
...
Kitty Reed
...
James Wilson
...
Dan Wilson
...
Mrs. Wilson
...
Charles Blake
...
Judge
...
Al Frazier
...
Vera Moore
...
Shirley Clark
...
Joe Holden
rest of cast listed alphabetically:
...
Pedestrian (uncredited)
...
Headwaiter (uncredited)
...
Blake's Henchman (uncredited)
...
Mr. Carlton, the Clockmaker (uncredited)
...
Cocktail Party Guest (uncredited)


Host Segment
Servo is admiring his reflection in a mirror….NUDE!  Joel is concerned about his “Pinocchio Syndrome” as Servo shouts he is “a real boy”.  All this is for naught when Joel realizes Crow painted him in a flesh tone.  Crow further tells Servo that he’ll get laughed at because he’s “a freak”.  Servo cries.  This ends the “Robot Porn” segment of the show.  The Mads have invented “Cake and Shake”—a desert with a stripper inside.  The only problem is that TV’s Frank baked the cake WITH the stripper inside.  Joel and the Bots have fun with the junk drawer organizer.

Movie Sign!
Since the movie has a low run-time (barely over an hour), a short is included.  It is called TRUCK FARMING as we “… take you back to the days when DDT was safe.“ (Crow).  This is not one of the better shorts, but you will chuckle when you see “Stick Farmers” (Crow).  You’ll reel as “carrots are made tasteless so people will by steak” (Crow) and the fact the “rapid transportation” of crops is...by train.  And you’ll “Worship the Truck Farmer at the church of your choice” (Servo).
The feature begins with our hero, James up before a judge in court.  Crow wants to know where the “cantankerous and funny bailiff” is.  James accuses his parents, right off the bat.  Now, we flash back to everything that is wrong in James Wilson’s life.  “Boo hoo, we ALL have problems!” (Crow).  The setting changes to the day James wins the essay contest at school.  James returns home and the camera sweeps the house full of booze bottles and cigarette butts strewn on the floor.  “At least she tidied up the place.” (Crow).  Mom left him a note about money so he could buy food.  A sleazy neighbor comes by, Dad walks in.  Both adults drink.  Sleazy neighbor hits on James AND his father.  Mom walks in..and she is exhausted.  Dad and Mom fight; James protests.  He tells his Dad he won the essay contest; Dad pops him a fiver “There goes a great man” (Crow).  “This guys made more money than I did through high school” (Joel).  Ah, you can just see the family love oozing from this film.
Host Segment
Art therapy projects of their idealized families.  Each Bot shows their pictures and Joel psychoanalyzes them.  Gypsy loves the family she has and “Richard Basehart watches over us all”.

Movie Sign
James’ Dad laughs at Mom getting ready to go to the school for a PTA-type meeting.  James is at school Lying about how great his Mom is.  Mom arrives….DRUNK!  A highly embarrassed James tries to shuffle Mom outside.  Later, James has nightmares “I wish my peers would get out of my dreams, I’m trying to sleep” (Crow).  James doesn’t return for school and goes job-hunting and gets hired as a shoe salesman.  In walks our female lead, Kitty, and she wants to buy shoes.  James is nervous.  “Can I show you something in a size ME” (Crow).  James is going to deliver Kitty’s shoes. At Kitty’s apartment, they discuss their parents. “I was torn from the thigh of Zeus” (Servo).  James continues to lie about how GREAT his Mom and Dad are.  The pair talk and talk and talk.  “..open mouth close sale” (Joel).  Kitty’s roommate, Vera, walks in on them, Jimmy leaves.  Vera warns Kitty there IS  another man.  Jimmy comes home to a drunken party that his parents are having.  They all get ready to leave to go to someone else’s house.  Jimmy wants to talk about Kitty.  No one wants to listen; they just tease him about the lipstick on his face.  Jimmy goes to the club where Kitty sings a HIGHLY ANNOYING SONG, “Are You Happy with Your Work”.  “Don’t sing this to me on a Monday” (Joel).  Kitty’s real boyfriend (a nefarious character) says he could help the boy.  Everyone’s toasts Jimmy’s birthday, and they barhop.
Host Segment
Gypsy lip-syncs “Are You Happy with Your Work”.  You have to see this to appreciate it… or not.
MOVIE SIGN!
 Jimmy begins his crime career by writing a bad check and hitting up Kitty’s BF Charles for “work”.  “Leave your soul with the receptionist” (Joel). 
At home, Jimmy’s Mom knows something is up.  Jimmy visits Kitty and she is interrogating him about his “work.”  “I’m just selling drugs to school kids” (Servo).  Kitty questions Charles; he lies about Jimmy.

Movie Sign!
Jimmy goes back and returns on first drop.  IT’s a diamond heist and Jimmy’s invited.  Jimmy calls Kitty to say he’ll be late for his date and Charles listens.  Charles visits Kitty and straighten out things.  No one is taking her away from him “NOBODY, not even ME” (Servo).  Kitty feigns her feelings and makes Jimmy look like a dope.  “If I had parents, I would accuse them right now” (Servo). 
The scene goes to the “job” and there are gunshots.  Jimmy isn’t happy when he realizes he is involved in CRIME…and MURDER.  He will get 20 years if he’s caught.  “Free?  With no obligation” (Crow).  Jimmy is sweating it…literally.  Jimmy calls Kitty…no dice.  “She says she’s not here”  Servo.
Host Segment
Joel and The Bots discuss the roots of Jimmy’s illness.  It is narrowed down to drunkenness and lies…and ignorance. Servo Patsy Clines it “Jim’s crazy, crazy for accusing his parents.”
MOVIE SIGN!
The cops are after Jimmy who is late for work.  “Hello you little fugitive” (Joel).  Jimmy goes back to Charles who has another job..makes sense right?  He gets beat up.  “This is for the essay contest” (Crow).  Jimmy goes home calling for his parents who are not home.  He tries calling his Dad at the club.  “Meanwhile at Black Panther headquarters”  (Joel).  Jimmy decides to run away “I’m going to run away and become a ventriloquist” (Servo).  We think he’s on a train, but then it shows him hitchhiking.  Jimmy stops at a café and is going to try and rob it.  “Did someone tell you it’s my birthday” (Servo).  The café cook spots Jimmy’s gun.  “Look, can I have my hamburger (Joel).  He gives Jimmy a job as his boy.  “You ever worked as a boy before (Servo).  He has to go to church though.  The movie ends…no it doesn’t. 
We switch to Kitty sadly singing again.  “The audience is frankly stunned” (Crow).  Charles wants to take her out on the town.
The café owner and Jimmy are eating and he is pondering.  What’s wrong?  “I found a toenail in my burger”  (Joel).  Jimmy wants to go make amends.  Kitty fesses up. Jimmy heads to Charles’ office to tell him to turn himself in to the police. “Again proving just how stupid he is (Crow).  They struggle with a gun and Jimmy kills Charles.
We head back to the courtroom as Jimmy finishes his story about how his parents didn’t give him any guidance.  The judge pronounces him NOT GUILTY.  Everyone is thrilled.  The judge continues to tell him he will serve 5 years, suspended for “aiding and abetting”.  “THANK GOD I’M WHITE” (Joel).  The judge then berates his parents and gives a closing speech to ALL parents.  “The makers of this film accuse Hitler, Tojo, and Mussolini” (Servo).  Joel gets ready to read his letter, but Crow and Servo have guns and want “hamburgers”.  Sadly, Joel only has a postcard….OR DOES HE?  Crow and Servo return in a TANK, accusing Joel.  The Mads unearth the stripper (Mike) and well, it is gruesome.

Wherever you are, cool off during these steamy dog days, and put in I ACCUSE MY PARENTS (available on Netflix instant stream and DVD).  I promise you will laugh and love juvenile delinquency again and again.

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