Bobbie's Essays: Whatever Happened to Horror-hag Movies?

According to Wikipedia, Psycho-biddie movies, or as I prefer to call them Hagsploitation, is defined as “a dangerous, insane or mentally unstable woman of advanced years ... Often (but not always), there are two older women pitted against one another in a life-or-death struggle, usually the result of bitter hatreds, jealousies, or rivalries that have percolated over the course of not years, but decades ... The psychotic character is often brought to life in an over-the-top, grotesque fashion, emphasizing the unglamorous process of aging and eventual death. Characters are often seen pining for lost youth and glory, trapped by their idealized memories of their childhood, or youth, and the traumas that haunt their past.”

It all began in 1962 when an aging and forgotten ex-child-actress, Jane (Bette Davis), goes all whack-a-doo on her reclusive and wheelchair-bound ex-ingénue actress sister, Blanche (Joan Crawford), screaming “Ya are, Blanche!  Ya are in that chair!”  With that declarative statement, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE slammed open the doors to the golden age of horror-Hagsploitation!  Youth-obsessed Tinseltown sat up and took notice as one drunken and slattern former Hollywood leading lady tried to force-feed another aging ex-screen star her own cooked parakeet while the invalid ex-star sister tries in vain to get someone’s—anyone’s—attention to her dire and ultimately deadly plight!  (Personally, I would have force-fed Blanche that damned buzzer she was always pushing!)  Made for a paltry $980,000, it took home $4,050,000 and was nominated for five Academy Awards, winning for Best Costume Design.  

Suddenly, all that was old was new again and Warner Bros./ Seven Arts, eager to continue milking that cash cow, quickly signed both actresses to another movie, HUSH, HUSH SWEET CHARLOTTE (working title: WHATEVER HAPPENED TO COUSIN CHARLOTTE).  But, what the Studio didn’t count on was the contemptuous relationship between the two stars.

Joan Crawford, desperate not to play opposite the conniving Bette again, took to her sick-bed long enough to force director Robert Aldrich to sign another aging actress, Olivia de Havilland, as a replacement.  This time, instead of playing dueling sisters, the two acted as sparring cousins, one a slightly off-her-rocker Southern Belle (Bette) who was believed to have killed her married ex-lover with an axe years before and one sweet-seeming but scheming cousin (Olivia) sent to settle affairs at the old mansion.  In actuality, her purpose is to drive her cousin insane and steal her fortune.  HUSH, HUSH also pulled out of the mothballs two other aging stars of yesteryear, Joseph Cotton who plays the lawyer boyfriend of Olivia and Mary Astor who was the long-ago slain ex-lover’s then wife, now widow.  While HUSH, HUSH didn’t do the box office that BABY JANE did, it still pulled in $7 million.

Meanwhile, Joan Crawford hit the horror hag circuit hard and signed to act in schlock-meister William Castle’s STRAIT-JACKET (1964).  In this film, Joan plays Lucy Harbin, a trampy young wife who finds her husband in the sack with another woman and chops both of their heads off.  Twenty years later, a subdued Lucy is released from the mental hospital where she was sent after the double homicide and reunites with her now-grown daughter Carol (Diane Baker) and the murders begin again.  For this movie, Joan, now age 60, plays both the 29 year-old younger Lucy and the 49 year-old older Lucy and she does so with somewhat believability.  You can see the wardrobe/ make-up tests here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EMbnZUgLSk

While Joan was busy hacking up half the County, Bette starred in DEAD RINGER (1964) in a duel-role as twin-sisters, one who kills the other, then assumes the dead twin’s identity and husband (Paul Henreid).  But, what she doesn’t know is that her now-dead sister had a younger lover in the form of Peter Lawford.  (UGH!)  DEAD RINGER also features perpetually ancient Estelle Winwood (who played Sybil in Bert I. Gordon’s THE MAGIC SWORD) who was 80 when she made this movie!

Not to be out-done, Joan next starred in another Castle shocker I SAW WHAT YOU DID (And I Know Who You Are) in 1965.  Well, starred in is stretching the truth somewhat as Joan was only hired for four days work but Castle, recognizing the star power of her name, gave her first billing.  Here she acted for the final time opposite John Ireland, whom she’d first worked with in 1955’s QUEEN BEE.  This was also her last American acting job and she only appeared to two more foreign films before quitting the silver screen for good.  In I SAW WHAT YOU DID, Joan plays the part of the cheating husband’s demanding girlfriend whom he kills.  Just then, the phone rings and two young girl prank callers chant “We saw what you did!”  Terrified of being found out, John tracks down the young prank callers with more murders on his mind.

Bette next crossed the Big Pond to act in THE NANNY (1965) where she played the title role with a noticeably un-Mary Poppins-flair.  Harboring a deep dark secret, Nanny goes about her duties with a clinical detachment.  Here she gives a terrifying performance as the overly-protective mother-figure to long-suffering wife, Virgie, while a little boy, Joey, harbors the belief that it was Nanny who drowned his little sister in the bath!  Joan also took her show on the road to the UK and filmed BERSERK (1967) in which she’s a circus owner whose performing troops at set upon by a psychopathic killer.  Actor Ty Hardin, 25 years her junior, plays her tightrope-walking love interest.  Joan, always conscious of how she’d look on camera, ordered Desmond Dickinson, the director of photography, to only use medium-long shots and, should the camera come closer, to artfully film the dark bars of shadows that crossed her neck.  The film was short on plot so it was padded extensively with shots of various circus acts, including Diana Dors, England’s answer to Marilyn Monroe, being sawed in half during a magician’s trick gone awry.

While Bette went on to play the one-eyed domineering mother in Hammer’s THE ANNIVERSARY in 1968, Joan was reduced to starring in her last film, the laughably bad TROG (1970).  Here Joan plays an anthropologist opposite a man wearing a left-over monkey outfit from Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY.  While Bette spent the next two decades appearing in many fine horror movies such as SCREAM, PRETTY PEGGY (1973/ TV), BURNT OFFERINGS (1976) and THE DARK SECRET OF HARVEST HOME (1968/ TV), none were of the horror-hag variety.

Other aging and largely forgotten actresses followed in the footsteps of Joan and Bette.  Olivia de Havilland went on to play in LADY IN A CAGE (1964) as an invalid woman trapped in her own private elevator and terrorized by a gang of thuggish brutes lead by James Caan (in his first credited movie role).  This surprisingly nasty film also stars another aging former beauty, Ann Sothern (who would later meet up with Bette in THE WHALES OF AUGUST (1987).  Another star hitting the horror circuit was Tallulah Bankhead in DIE!  DIE!  MY DARLING (1965), opposite Stephanie Powers.  It is reported that when Tallulah saw herself in this movie, she apologized for “looking older than God’s wet-nurse” and never acted in another film.  Roman Polanski pulled silent-screen actress, Ruth Gordon, out of moth-balls, casting her as Rosemary’s pushy and nosey neighbor in 1968’s ROSEMARY’S BABY, a role that landed her an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress.  Geraldine Page put in her best effort in WHATEVER HAPPENED TO AUNT ALICE (1969) as the murdering wealthy employer of hapless companions, including Ruth Gordon.  In this movie, we get to see the greatest physical fight between two old biddies ever filmed!  Unfortunately, Gordon only shows up for her paycheck in the awful 1978 made-for-TV movie LOOK WHAT’S HAPPENED TO ROSEMARY’S BABY with ex-child star Patty Duke playing the Rosemary Woodhouse role.

Next to dip her toe into the genre was former glamour-girl Shelley Winters in WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH HELEN?  and WHOEVER SLEW AUNTIE ROO?, both made in 1971.  In WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH HELEN, Winters plays opposite another fading screen star Debbie Reynolds, as a pair of older women who decide to movie to Hollywood to escape the shame of their two son’s murder spree.

Penned by Henry Farrell, the man who started the whole genre with WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE, HELEN is filled with pot-holes and wasted opportunities.  In WHOEVER SLEW AUNTIE ROO, Winters plays a wealthy if daffy woman who keeps the mummified corpse of her long-dead daughter in a secret room of her mansion, where she sings it lullabies at night and holds séances to communicate with the dead daughter’s soul.  On Christmas Eve, Winters throws the annual Christmas party for local orphans and spots a young girl who bears a striking resemblance to her dead daughter.  However, not even with her Oscar-nominated role as Mrs. Rosen in THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE in 1972 did Winters manage to grab Hollywood’s fickle eye again and Winters once again hit the horror hag trail, acting as the drunken and slovenly ex-star Bertha in the white trash flick, POOR PRETTY EDDIE (1975).

Sadly by the end of the 1970’s, horror hag movies had gone out of style and not even TV movie producers would take a flyer on them.  However, the genre had one last surprise up its ragged sleeve and that surprise was CARRIE (1976) starring Sissy Spacek as the shy girl with enormous powers and Piper Laurie as her demented and domineering mother, it shot it’s author Stephen King into instant pulp horror fiction stardom.  The title character, Carrie, is a high school student tormented by fellow female students.  Her mother, Margaret, is a religious nut case who believes her daughter will burn in Hell if she attends the school prom when one of Carrie’s tormenters has her boyfriend ask Carrie to the dance.  The mother’s right.  All Hell does break loose but not in the way the mother envisioned!  Audiences ate it up and it grossed almost $34 million for MGM Studios.

Some loyal readers might argue it didn’t end there and mention MOMMIE DEAREST (1981) and MISERY (1990) as examples.  However, I contend that MOMMIE DEAREST was a bio-pic and, therefore, doesn’t count.  And with MISERY, Kathy Bates was only 48 when she starred in that movie...too young to be any kind of a “hag”...and could never be thought of as a classic Tinseltown beauty.  No ... I believe the genre died a much-deserved death because the audiences that first saw the actresses perform saw them at an earlier time of beauty and grace, the gentler years of slim bodies well-dressed in Dior gowns, smiling for the cameras.  And now, like neck-cranners at the scene of an accident, the audiences wanted to see them at their worst, chewing up the scenery and looking every bit the hag the audiences paid good money to see.  But whatever the time-line and for whatever reason, horror hag movies as a genre ended.  We shall never see their likes again.  And more’s the pity.  So, here’s to Bette and Joan, Olivia and Tallulah, to Shelley and Debbie and Piper.  Thanks for the frights, ladies!

MSTjunkie

Bobbie's Movies to Look For: PAUL

Title:  PAUL

Year of Release—Film:  2011

Two British fanboys (Simon Pegg and Nick Frost) travel to the San Diego Comic-Con.  There they meet like-minded geeks, Star Wars freaks, a sexually active Wookie, sci-fi author and personal idol Adam Shadowchild ... and one small, wise-cracking alien named Paul.

Graham (Simon Pegg) and Clive (Nick Frost) are traveling buddies out to visit the most famous UFO sighting hot-spots, including Roswell Area 51 where, in 1947, an alien UFO crashed and was confiscated and it’s discovery covered up by the Government.  After visiting the near-by Little A’Le’Inn restaurant where they have an unpleasant encounter with two red-necks, the two leave to visit Area 51 when suddenly a speeding car comes screaming by and crashes.  Graham and Clive stop to offer help and meet Paul (voiced by Seth Rogen), a alien who has successfully escaped the Area 51 encampment and needs a ride to the place where his fellow aliens have promised to pick him up for a return to his home planet.  UFO sites forgotten in the excitement of meeting an actual alien, the duo agrees to the new destination and off they go!

Along the way, they meet an eye-patch wearing ultra-religious young woman named Ruth (Kristen Wiig) and her controlling father Moses Buggs (John Carroll Lynch).  While spending the night at the Buggs RV camp sight, Ruth catches sight of Paul and faints.  When she wakes and she begins to spout religious dogma, Paul, quickly tires of it and transfers his vast knowledge of evolution to her mind and Ruth, finely freed of her father's twisted Biblical history, begins swearing ... like a little child whose just learning swear words!  And Paul, seeing her blind eye, heals her with a gentle touch.  Now on the lam from men in black who take orders from a steely-voiced but as yet unseen woman and from Ruth’s gun-toting zealot father, they race against time to reunite Paul with the mothership!

Penned by SHAUN OF THE DEAD’s Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, PAUL is a sci-fi geek’s wet-dream, chock-full of references to other classic science fiction films.  Paul, rather than being kept hostage by the Government agency, was given free run on the facility and was an incalculable aid to Steven Spielberg via phone conversations while ET: THE EXTRA-TERRESTRIAL was in the planning stages.  And in the honky-tonk scene, the band is playing the “Cantina Band” tune from STAR WARS.  And how can one possibly dislike a movie in which Pegg and Frost reenact Captain Kirk’s epic fight with the Gorn from the Star Trek episode “Arena”!?!  In an effort to avoid being called a MAC AND ME rip-off (noted by Clive/ Nick Frost when he says “I have dreamt of meeting you ever since I saw Mac and Me,”) the team did their best to make their alien different.  And they succeeded!  Paul is a profanity-spewing little wise-cracker who smokes dope and talks about the size of his sexual equipment.  In a June 12, 2011 interview with Den of Geek blog Simon Pegg is quoted as saying:

“We could have toned down the language a little bit, and maybe we should have done.  We could have got a bigger box office take if we’d made it a PG.  But we didn’t want it to look like a children’s film.  We wanted people from the off to know that it wasn’t a kids’ film.  And so, we stuck to our guns, as ... we wanted an R.  And we got it.”

Still, cigarette-smoking, occasionally invisible Paul isn’t all bad.  He has highly sensitive empathic powers healing powers as seen in the eye healing scene with Ruth.  And he did bring a dead bird back to life (even if he did eat it immediately afterwards!).  And even in his rush to find his mothership, Paul takes the time to settle an old score with Tara Walton (Blythe Danner) who has been thought crazy by the townsfolk for the past 60 years for claiming a spaceship killed her dog.

The cast in PAUL showed they were clearly up to the task and their performances were all above par.  Kristie Wiig was both believable and unbelievably funny as the reformed girl Ruth.  Her swearing need some work though!  Jason Bateman as the secret agent tough-guy Zoil and Sigourney Weaver in a stellar cameo were a great bonus!  Pegg and Frost play their bro-mance a tad too realistically (IMO) but still come off as a natural pairing with enthusiasm and wild humor.  But, the star of this movie is Paul!  Profane and all-around crass, Paul has a sensitive side, too and is an agreeably laid-back kind of fellow.  Seth Rogen does a good job voicing Paul and the CGI is above average.

Is it a perfect buddy-flick?  No.  PAUL will delight sci-fi movie fanboys (and fangirls!) with it's inside jokes and will probably leave those not familiar with those movies feeling they are missing something.  But, the humor is top-notch, the pacing fast and the acting great!  A word of caution, though—should you rent or buy PAUL, watch the unrated version as the theatrical version cuts short some of the jokes.

Enjoy!  And I know you will!

MSTJunkie

Cambot's Voice by S. J. Martiene: EXPERIMENT 8: NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST

Cambot’s Voice by S. J. Martiene

EXPERIMENT 8:  Night of the Blood beast

Ah Sweet, Sweet November!!  Yes, NOVEMBER, when football is high gear, the house is a mess because of the Halloween-to-Christmas decorating transition, AND we get to celebrate one of my FAVORITE days:  THANKSGIVING!!!  And what is Thanksgiving without turkey?  No, not the Tryptophan-Inducing Fowl….MOVIE TURKEYS!!!  Years ago, when MST3K was airing on Comedy Central, the network would run a Turkey Day Marathon of some of the best Mystery Science Theater shows.  This marathon would last all day and caused dissention in our home, because I wanted to forego Macy’s parade and the football games to watch my favorite riffers.  It was the show’s final season on Comedy Central which brought a sad end to this tradition.  And it is this Turkey Day Marathon I wish to honor with EPISODE #701T, NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST.

Episode 701 has a unique history.  It not only began the 7^th and final season on Comedy Central; it also was a feature a couple of weeks later during 1995’s Turkey Day celebration.  The host segments were changed to highlight the holiday.  This episode also features the short, ONCE UPON A HONEYMOON.  Don’t try to figure it out, it stinks!

Enjoy!!

Full cast and crew for
Night of the Blood Beast (1958) More at IMDbPro »

Writing credits (in alphabetical order)
Gene Corman		story
Martin Varno		writer

Cast (in credits order)

	John Baer	...	Steve Dunlap
	Angela Greene	...	Dr. Julie Benson
	Ed Nelson	...	Dave Randall
	Georgianna Carter	...	Donna Bixby
	Michael Emmet	...	Maj. John Corcoran
	Tyler McVey	...	Dr. Alex Wyman
	Ross Sturlin	...	The Creature

HOST SEGMENT

 Mike and the Bots are talking about “THE GAME”, confusing any and all sports terms from EVERY sport imaginable.  They end it with a hearty “TAKE DOWN!  TAKE DOWN!  TWO POINTS!”—The ONLY wrestling cheer I ever remember.  Since TV’s Frank died the previous season, Dr. F. is surprised at having to host a cast of characters for a Thanksgiving feast.  These characters include the arrival of Pearl Forrester, Dr. F.’s mother, who will eventually take over the “Mad Scientist” role in Season 8 as the show moves to the Sci-Fi Channel (now SyFy).  As Dr. F. laments over the guests invited by TV’s Frank the previous April, Pearl recognizes Crow (she calls him “Art”).  Crow/Art recognizes her as well.  *You look 10 years younger since the scars were sandblasted off*  Dr. F. explains the movie concept and much to his chagrin…since TV’s Frank died, there is no one to send the movie down the Umbilicus.  FORTUNATELY, Pearl has one of her favorite movies in her bag….and a short that *sucks on toast* (Pearl).

MOVIE SIGN

The short, ONCE UPON A HONEYMOON (1956) is SO NOT to be confused with the 1942 movie of the same name that stars Cary Grant.  It is interesting that TWO of the actors in this short appeared in some pretty good movies in their day.   Alan Mowbray (Gordon) appeared in The Man Who Knew Too Much, The King and I, Terror By Night, and My Man Godfrey.  Russell Hicks (Angel Chief) appeared in The Little Foxes (one of my FAVORITE Bette Davis films), The Bank Dick, Follow the Fleet, and Scarlet Street. ONCE UPON A HONEYMOON is about a couple named Jeff and Mary.  Jeff is a songwriter and because of work obligations, he has had to postpone the couple’s honeymoon.  The newlyweds are about to head out the door when Gordon calls and says the “star” of the show LOVES the lyrics to *The Wishing Song*, but does not love the melody.  This stops the couple from leaving.  OH…I forgot the most important part, their Guardian Angel named Wilbur *insert favorite Mr. Ed line here* is sent down to help them out.  Mary begins *WISHING* for house repairs.  One part of this short, when she is on the red phone was featured on a Tennessee Lottery commercial a few years ago.  Mary wishes for a new kitchen *Wish in one hand, crap in another and see which one fills up first* (Mike) That riff is one I use often with my boys.  Mary also wishes for a new living room, a bedroom…Well, you get the point.  There is a dance segment, a glowing telephone, and lots of cigarette smoking.  Ultimately, they do get the song written with help from the Angel Dust that Wilbur sprinkles on the telephone.  *Honey, your cocaine is everywhere* (Crow).  *This would be a great companion film with ERASERHEAD* (Crow).  *Who the hell was that about anyway?* (Servo)

HOST SEGMENT

It is the STUFFING VS. POTATO Controversy.  Crow and Servo give their opinions based on more facts than most network newscasts.  Mike decides to have both.  The Bots agree.  Mike has a fit.

MOVIE SIGN

When you have a movie based on a story by Gene CORMAN, one can only conclude that Roger CORMAN is the Executive Producer.  *I’ve been Cormanized* (Mike) Like MANY genre movies of the day, it begins with an astronaut in trouble.  I cite THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN, and THE CRAWLING HAND as only TWO examples of this storyline.  The astronaut (John) crashes and burns.  A jeep, carrying Dave and Donna, is sent out to find the remains.*Someone is burning leaves and NASA is there* (Crow) *Did I crash land in the ocean?* (Servo) *No, this is Spooner, Wisconsin* (Mike).   Dave radios the others, Steve, Julie, and Alex.  John and Julie were to be married.  Alex asks, “How bad is it?”  *Ever see stroganoff?* (Crow) Donna notices some type of “carpet-like” mass.  The fears of this turning into THE CREEPING TERROR begin as the rug escapes.   Alex notices that John is still alive and they take him back to their lab. *Is your freezer empty?* (Servo).  Dave is examining the “carpet remnants”.  We also have a shot of the RESTRICTED AREA sign.  *Please, no terrorists.* (Mike) Dave tries to radio for help.  He can’t get through.  The others examine the body.  They notice marks on John’s body.  For some reason, a running gag of how everyone is named “Steve” begins.  Steve tries his luck at the radio.  Suddenly John has a blood pressure reading.  Dave tries to fix the radio issues.  THEN, the power goes out.  Dave is approached by The Creature.  The others rush to help. *The Steves are there!* (Mike) They come back in and check on John and spot some more of that carpet-like substance.  *That’s mine, my back has been flaking like crazy* (Crow) They decide to board up the broken windows.  *We’re all set in case the birds attack us* (Mike).  Julie finds something amiss in the blood cells.  Just the animation of the cells send Mike and the Bots into incessant giggles.

HOST SEGMENT

Pearl has another conversation with Crow (Art).  Pearl laments about her zygote (Dr. F.)  *Kill him, that’s what I’d do.” (Crow).  Guest Mr. B Natural (Bridget Nelson) and Jack Perkins (Mike) enter the picture.  Jack is really drunk.

MOVIE SIGN

They make arrangements to transport John’s body and try to figure out what is happening with his blood and the blood beast has even stopped their watches.  *EVERYTHING is going wrong in this movie* (Mike) Julie asks, “What would cause a thing like that?”  *God hates us* (Crow) The cast of characters discuss the strange mass that was on the ship.  Alex:  “We need an explanation and a good one for this” *ELVES* (Crow)   They decide to have round-the-clock watches and Alex takes the first one.  *Here comes the nutty part* (Crow) We see a creeping shadow of the blood beast.  Dave and Steve wake up and investigate *EWWWW, the patient has blown a gasket!* (Crow) Alex is dead.  John awakes.  *EWW I just blew all over the operating room!* (Mike) *Let’s shoot him back into space and see what happens* (Crow).  John is confused.  Julie sees another mark on John’s body.  *Did that thing pop?* (Servo) They conclude Alex has become part of John because of John’s sudden medical knowledge.   They recheck the John’s blood again and they are normal.  He goes under the fluoroscope and he is *Loaded with shrimp!* (Crow) Suddenly, The Creature appears.  *Barney has been in a fire!* (Crow) A battle ensues.  *You can’t stop me from seeing my children!* (Servo) John doesn’t want The Creature killed.  John passes out and is put back on a bed.  Steve tells Julie that John is dangerous.  She says, “Not to me.  He won’t hurt me” *unless the Packers lose* (Mike) They all are armed now.  *Here’s your Frankenberry Pistol* (Mike) Steve, Donna, and Dave hunt for The Creature.  *I don’t see the blood Beast but I see the beast of Yucca Flats* (Mike).  Suddenly watches start working.  The guys leave Donna and reach the capsule.  The Creature grabs Donna.  *Sigmund the Sea Monster!!  NO!!!* (Crow) They start shooting and it drops Donna.  Cut to the lab, John grabs Julie’s gun and starts a speech on how they’re lives may or may not be in the future.  He tries to assure Julie that The Creature is harmless.  He hands her the gun.  *Here’s your Count Chocula pistol* (Servo).  When the others return to the lab they discuss AGAIN about killing The Creature.  *Let’s review, what are we talking about?* (Servo) They come away with no plan because no one knows anything.

 

HOST SEGMENT

Mike and The Bots sit down to dinner after singing The Star-Spangled Banner.  They look for Crow to say the blessing, but he is down in Deep 13 enjoying that meal with Dr. F., Pearl, Kitten with a Whip (Kevin Murphy), Mr. B, James Lipton (passed out at this point) and Pitch.  They start with Pearl giving thanks to God of the things for which they are thankful.  Jack Perkins announces the engagement of himself and Mr. B Natural.  They chow down.

MOVIE SIGN

The crew is standing watch ... Steve and Dave discuss their concern over John.  They choose weapons:  A Molotov Cocktail.  *It’s a little early to start drinking* (Crow).  MORE TALKING about what they are going to do.  John inspects Alex’s dead body.  Dave and Steve join him.  ..and AGAIN the KILL/NOT KILL segment is rehashed.  *Once, Twice, Three Times and Blood Beast* (Mike) The next day, John leads them to where the beast is hiding.  *If the name says Corman, there will be walking* (Crow) *OH, blood beast scat, careful* (Mike) They finally get to the cave and argue about what is going to happen.  The Creature speaks with Alex’s voice. *I’m hiding in here because the dogs keep burying me and digging me up* (Mike)  *In our country it is customary to throw gasoline on the new couple* (Crow)  The Creature explains AGAIN how he is using Alex’s voice and defends his position on why he should not be killed.  Mike and The Bots giggle every time they show the beast. Let’s face it…THAT BEAST is just funny.   John somehow FINALLY realizes he has alien babies inside him.  He pleads to be killed.  The Creature grabs John…John stabs himself.  The Molotov Cocktails are thrown and the blood beast is killed.  *So what was the point again?* (Servo)

HOST SEGMENT

Mike is ready to serve pie.  The argument over Mincemeat Pie is discussed.  Mike is too distracted by what is happening on Deep 13.  Pearl served her Turkey Surprise which has killed all of the guests except Jack Perkins.  Pearl announces she is staying.  Jack delights in the Holiday’s importance.  *Should you kill him or should I* (Dr. F).

Yes, I am wistful for these Turkey Day celebrations.  Though, those days are long gone, we still have the advantage of seeing the movies on Netflix, Hulu, and fan-trading sites. 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!

My First ‘Grown-Up’ Halloween

I’ve written often of Halloweens of my youth, of how important they were in the development of the boy who would one day be “the Unimonster.”  I’ve even written of that last Halloween of my childhood, the point at which I realized I was too old to go trick-or-treating any longer.  I thought at the time that my Halloween celebrations were in the past, buried in the same heap as outgrown clothes, broken toys, and forgotten books.  Life has a way of carrying us forward, and the normal passage of time soon had my thoughts turning in other directions.  Everyday concerns and worries—college, work, dating, trying to figure out how Bruce Willis’ career survived HUDSON HAWK—all pushed thoughts of Halloween into the deep recesses of my mind.  By the early 1990s, I was married, to a lovely redhead without the slightest interest in monsters or Horror movies, and I settled down to a life of grown-up domesticity.  Or so I thought.

Unfortunately, a fondness for the ghosts, ghouls, and creatures of the Horror genre wasn’t the only difference that my wife and I had, and those differences eventually led to our separation and divorce.  That separation occurred in October of 1998, with the divorce being finalized twelve months later.  Frankly, Halloween was the furthest thing from my mind at those times, but if anyone had asked me if I’d ever look forward to the October season again, I would have replied, quite honestly, that I never again wanted to think of October.  And that was my frame of mind for some time after my divorce.

However, as trite and clichéd as the aphorism may be, time really does heal all wounds.  A year after my divorce, I was casting about for something to take my mind off my pain and troubles.  I had become far too friendly with a pair of Southern gentlemen named Jim Beam and Jack Daniels, and I knew I needed something other than alcohol to occupy my mind.  Psychologists might have much to say regarding my reaching back into my childhood to find a refuge from my pain; if so, then … so be it.  All I know is that I turned to the monster movies that I had loved as a child, and rediscovered that love as a thirty-six year-old man.  I’ve written of how I began collecting Horror movies, taping every one that came on television, buying others as I could afford it.  I’ve also shared with you how that simple hobby led me to the yahoo groups full of like-minded people, and how that, in turn, led me back to my writing.  That’s what led to my ‘rebirth’ as the Unimonster, nearly a decade ago.

Something else that was reborn in me was my love of Halloween, though it had certainly never died.  It had merely been sublimated by the pressures of life.  But that first Halloween after my divorce, long before ‘Unimonster’ was even a thought in my mind, as I started building my collection of movies with five straight days of twenty-four hours worth of Horror movies—courtesy of American Movie Classics’ Monsterfest—that love came crashing back to the forefront.  That October of 2000, I ended the month with fifty-three movies in my collection, a pair of VCRs that were hot to the touch, and—for the first time in two years—a measure of happiness in my heart.

As the summer of 2001 began to wane, my thoughts, as they always had in childhood, turned to thoughts of the approaching Halloween season.  It had been more than twenty years since I had been that excited about October, and I was looking forward to another month of scary and ghoulish fun such as I had known in that long-ago past.  I wanted to decorate, I wanted to celebrate, I wanted to recapture every bit of the joy that Halloween had represented to me as a boy.

Then one bright, splendid Tuesday morning in September, everything changed as I sat at my desk at work and watched as war was declared on my country.  As they had been three years before, thoughts of such trivialities as Halloween and monster movies were chased from my mind, by the actions of real-life monsters far worse than anything Hollywood ever conceived.  This time the hurt, less personal but far more profound, was moderated by an intense rage at those who would, in such a cowardly manner, strike at something I love far more than myself.  The stress of weeks of waiting for us to strike back left little room in my thoughts for Halloween, and when, in early October, a series of anthrax attacks targeted, among other organizations, television networks, my job as chief of security at a television station guaranteed that that stress would only increase.  Halloween passed almost unnoticed amid the hectic events of the first months of war.

Another year passed, and life returned to a manner of normalcy.  As August faded into September, I once again began to think of Halloween.  That July, I had joined my first Yahoo Group, the now-defunct (and sorely-missed) Horrorweb group.  By September, I was a fully active member; in fact, in response to the Horrorwench’s September 10^th question regarding plans for adding a store to the Horrorweb web-site to sell Halloween (and general horror) merchandise, I posted the following reply, “Love that Idea, Wench... I'm into ALL things Halloween! (Already started decorating my crypt!)”  I was not yet the Unimonster, but the Crypt has always been the ‘Crypt’!

That autumn was the best I had experienced in decades, as I luxuriated in the joys of Halloween as I remembered it.  Every store I entered seemed to have Halloween as its main stock in trade; every network on cable TV seemed to have non-stop horror-thons playing nightly.  To put it bluntly, I gorged on Halloween the way Augustus Gloop overindulged in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory.  I bought decorations, and movies, and candy.  I recorded every Horror Film that I could; and watched those that I already had over and over.  If anything, this new form of Halloween experience was even better than my youth, for now I was completely free to give in to the holiday ‘spirit’, if you will.  My dreams of Halloween perfection, the things I had wanted to do in childhood, but had never been able to make happen, were now possible—provided I spend the money to realize them.  And while my budget wasn’t as large as I wished it to be, I still came close to matching those childhood fantasies.

As that November 1^st dawned, I realized that that October had been the happiest month of the past several years for me.  Never again would I ignore the Halloween season, or pretend that I had long ago outgrown it.  Never again would I forget the joy to be found in black cats and Jack o’ Lanterns.  Eleven months of the year I would be a grown-up (well, relatively speaking …) with grown-up problems and responsibilities.  But October once more would be mine.  October would serve to remind me that there was still a part of me untouched by heartbreak, divorce, financial worries, ulcers, hypertension, stress.  October would keep me sane.

For thirty-one days every year, October would let me be a kid again.

DVD Review: HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS: THE GODFATHER OF GORE Special Edition DVD

Title:  HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS: THE GODFATHER OF GORE Special Edition DVD

Year of Release—Film:  2010

Year of Release—DVD:  2011

DVD Label:  Something Weird Video

For more than twenty years, Mike Vraney’s Something Weird Video has reveled in the bizarre, forgotten films that no one else would dare touch.  From driver’s ed staples such as “Highways of Agony,” to Roadshow classics like CHILD BRIDE, DAMAGED GOODS, and MOM AND DAD, Something Weird loves it all.  In that twenty years, SWV has brought its legion of fans exactly what they’ve been craving, and in so doing, Vraney has earned a well-deserved reputation as both the videophile’s best friend and the greatest living proponent of the Exploitation film.  One of that “legion of fans” is yours truly, as I explained in a previous article, “Something Weird on the Screen:  The Wild, Bizarre and Wacky World of Scare-Your-Children Movies, Exploitation Shorts and Stag Films.” [The Unimonster’s Crypt, 11 April 2009]

Recently, Vraney, and Something Weird Video, has branched out into the production end of bringing Exploitation fans their hearts’ desire.  Their first effort, one that is guaranteed to please fans of Exploitation, Grindhouse, and Drive-In movies, is the documentary HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS: THE GODFATHER OF GORE.

Lewis, 82, is one of the few remaining links to the glory days of Exploitation film, the period between the end of the Roadshow era and the 1970s, when anything could, and did, make it on-screen.  The 1960s marked a transitional period in exploitive cinema, as filmmakers worked to push cinematic envelopes apace with crumbling censorship restrictions.  Lewis, along with men and women such as Dan Sonney, Doris Wishman, Bob Cresse, and Lewis’ producing partner David F. Friedman, were in the forefront of that effort, and those efforts would culminate in the free-for-all that was filmmaking in the early 1970s.  Lewis and Friedman were the most polished of the exploiteers of this era, and perhaps the most influential.  Though the pair helped popularize Nudie-Cuties, and created what came to be known as the Roughie with SCUM OF THE EARTH, fans of this era hold them in high regard primarily for their contribution to the Horror genre.  For, in 1963, they gave birth to the gore film with BLOOD FEAST.

While this documentary traces Herschell’s entire career, as told by the man himself, much of the focus is on his well-deserved reputation as Horror’s first ‘goremeister’.  Three such movies were produced with Dave Friedman—BLOOD FEAST, TWO THOUSAND MANIACS, and COLOR ME BLOOD RED—before the partnership ended amicably.  The two remained good friends, and Friedman is interviewed in-depth for this project, perhaps his last filmed interviews [Ed. Note: It’s my belief that Senior Correspondent Bobbie Culbertson had one of the last, if not the last, interview with Mr. Friedman when she spoke with him at length for our co-authored book, Dixie’s Drive-Ins: the Southern Drive-In Culture of the 1950s through the 1980s, shortly before his passing].  Lewis also made several gore films on his own, with titles such as THE WIZARD OF GORE, THE GORE-GORE GIRLS, THE GRUESOME TWOSOME, and of course, SOMETHING WEIRD.  All are examined in this documentary, making it a must-have for Lewis’ fans, as well as fans of gore in general.

Directed by Frank Henenlotter (of BASKET CASE fame) and Jimmy Maslon, this is a loving tribute to Lewis, as well as being both educational and informative, in a very fun way.  I can’t recommend it highly enough.

Available exclusively from Something Weird Video for $14.99, at: http://www.somethingweird.com.

DVD Review: TRICK 'r TREAT

Title:  TRICK ‘r TREAT

Year of Release—Film:  2007

Year of Release—DVD:  2009

DVD Label:  Warner Premiere

Considering that Halloween is the celebration of all things frightening and horrific, it’s remarkable that, save for the franchise launched in 1978 by John Carpenter’s HALLOWEEN, relatively few Horror Films are devoted to our favorite holiday.  Halloween might get a toss-away nod here and there, but I’m talking about using the day as the central theme of the film, as does Carpenter’s masterpiece of Holiday Horror.  One recent film not only took All Hallows Eve to heart, but it did so in spectacular fashion.  So much so, that it quickly became the Unimonster’s second favorite Halloween movie.  That film is Michael Dougherty’s 2007 movie TRICK ‘r TREAT.

Written by Dougherty, TRICK ‘r TREAT is a cinematic vision of the lore, wonder, and fascination that surrounds Halloween, crystallized into a series of four vignettes interwoven into one story centered on a demonic trick-or-treater named Sam.  Sam (short for Samhain, the Celtic festival of the dead that is the ancestor of our modern Halloween) is the personification of the holiday, watching over the festivities, and punishing those who lack the proper respect for the holiday and its customs and traditions.  He’s present in each of the four stories, as well as visible throughout the framing sequences.

As in most anthologies, some of the tales are better than the rest, but that variation is not nearly as marked here.  The opening sequence features a young married couple named Henry and Emma (Tahmoh Penikett and Leslie Bibb), who are returning from the evening’s festivities and their argument over the disrespect that Emma demonstrates towards the holiday’s traditions.  The four vignettes that follow are, in order:  The Principal, starring Dylan Baker as the principal of the local school, who has an odd way of celebrating the holiday; The School Bus Massacre Revisited, about a group of kids visiting the site of a mysterious tragedy thirty years before; Surprise Party, concerning a young woman’s (Anna Paquin) efforts to lose her “virginity;” and Meet Sam, in which a cantankerous, Halloween-hating old man (the always enjoyable Brian Cox) receives his just desserts.  The film’s conclusion ties the segments together nicely, as well as provides a very satisfying finish.

Technically speaking, the film is remarkably well-done, with photography by veteran DP Glen MacPherson.  Produced by Bryan Singer, director of films such as X-MEN, THE USUAL SUSPECTS, and SUPERMAN RETURNS, TRICK ‘r TREAT has a smooth, polished look that belies its $12 million budget, due in large part to Singer’s experience and guidance.  One factor in that look that I especially enjoyed is the paucity of CGI; almost all the effects work was practical.  The Unimonster is an old-fashioned kinda guy, and much prefers the magic of latex and rubber to pixels and megabytes.  CGI, when perfect, can be spectacularly effective.  Films such as STAR TREK and SUCKER PUNCH demonstrate this.  However, perfection is both difficult to achieve, and tremendously expensive.  If the result is anything less than perfection, then our eyes simply aren’t fooled.  It may seem counter-intuitive, but often a $200 latex appliance can be more convincing than several thousand dollars worth of computer time.

The DVD, from Warner Premiere, is okay—skimpy on special features, but acceptable.  The only bonus is the animated short Season’s Greetings, upon which the film is based.  The disc does include subtitles, something I always appreciate, but the lack of a commentary track on the feature (oddly, there is one for the animated short) is an unfortunate oversight on Warner’s part.  More information on the difficulties the producers had in finding distribution for this movie would be greatly appreciated.

For the Unimonster, there are certain movies that just define Halloween, movies that must be watched before the holiday ends or it’s just not Halloween.  Carpenter’s HALLOWEEN, Lugosi’s DRACULA, the original THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD—these movies say “Halloween” to me.  I do believe that TRICK ‘r TREAT will be joining that list this October … and for many Octobers to come.

Junkyardfilm.com's Moldy Oldie Movie of the Month: HACK-O-LANTERN (HALLOWEEN NIGHT)

Title:  HACK-O-LANTERN (HALLOWEEN NIGHT)

Year of Release—Film:  1988

[Ed. Note:  Jag Mundhra, the Director of HACK ‘O LANTERN, passed away on 4 September, 2011 in Mumbai, India.  The Crypt offers its sincere condolences to his loved ones.]

 

Kindly pumpkin-truck-driving Grandpa (Hy Pyke) makes a surprise Halloween visit to his young grandson, Tommy.  Grandpa gives Tommy his choice of pumpkin, a dime-store rubber skeleton and a mysteriously wrapped small package, cautioning Tommy not to tell his parents of the visit.  Later as Tommy is carving the jack-o-lantern, he cuts his finger on the carving knife and begins sucking the blood off, saying “Grandpa said it’s good for me.”  Tommy’s mother (Katrina Garner) furiously questions Tommy and, when she finds out that the Grandpa has visited, smashes Tommy’s pumpkin and warns Tommy to stay away from that man!  Later, the mother and father discuss the visit and the father, fed up with this crazy old coot, goes to warn the old man to leave Tommy alone.  Once at the Grandpa’s house, the father does not seem at all surprised to find the old man conducting a satanic ritual and confronts him.  The Grandpa’s reaction to being interrupted is to smash Tommy’s father over the head with a hammer and set him and his car on fire.  At home, Tommy opens the package to reveal a pentagram necklace.

Fast-forward 13 years.  Tommy (Greg Scott Cummings, former NFL punter for the San Diego Chargers) is now a rebellious young man, living in his mother’s basement and whiling his days listening to heavy metal and fantasizing about killing fellow heavy metal band members (featuring the band D. C. Lacroix) with laser guns.  His younger brother, Roger (Jeff Brown) is a rookie cop and his younger sister, Vera (Carla Baron) is a...well, the audience is never sure what Vera does other than wander around town with her friends.  As the mother struggles to keep both her late husband’s fruit farm going and her family together, she disapproves of anyone who comes near them.  And then there’s the Grandpa.  Despite the fact that the town’s hosting its annual Halloween party and everyone’s going, Grandpa warns Tommy that tonight Tommy will take his rightful place as head of the Coven.  The mother, sensing something is amiss, meets the Grandpa on the bridge and begs him to leave Tommy alone.  The Grandpa strokes the mother’s arms and replies that she is still a temptation to him after all these years.  And we see in a flashback Grandpa raping his own daughter on her wedding day.  Tommy is not his grandson!  He is his own son!  Bwahahahaha!  (*cough* Sorry about that.)

Allow me to pause in the narrative here.  This is where director Jag Mundhra and writer Carla Robinson begin smoking up some of Los Angeles’ favorite import.  Or so it would seem.  Up until now, this was a straight-up abet cheaply done horror movie with a decent plot that moved along at a nice pace.  We’ve had some gratuitous nudity.  And some not badly done gore effects.  It’s on Halloween night at the town dance where this movie does a complete right turn.  Because this is the part of the movie where the plot introduces the snake charmer.  And the stripper.  And the stand-up comedian (whose name is Bill Tucker and if, after watching his corny and contrived shtick, you’d like to book his act, here’s his website: [http://delafont.com/comedians/Bill-Tucker.htm].

It’s as if Jag Mundhra has put up flyers around town announcing he was looking for bit players for the party dance scene and if you had a Halloween costume and/ or some minor talent at anything, you could be in his movie!  And so the plot grinds to a halt as we watch various and not terribly talented towns-people do their “things.”  Eventually, we do get back to the plot and are rewarded with various townspeople being offed by someone in a devil’s mask and dark cape.  (I should also mention that all the women in this town are “hootchie-mamas” who are not adverse to pulling their clothes off at a moment’s notice.  Joe Bob would be proud!)

Tommy is at the coven’s ritual getting prepared to become the leader when his sister, Vera, dashes into the barn and, babbling hysterically, tells Tommy about all the killings.  Grandpa, upset that this very important ritual has been interrupted, strings the girl up and orders Tommy to kill her.  But, Tommy can’t.  After all, she’s his sister!  Furious, the be-caped Grandpa runs into the night after the fleeing girl.  And caped Tommy runs after them.  Which of these caped family members is the real killer!?!  And, we are rewarded with the double-twist ending!  (Eat your heart out, M. Night!)

Hy Pyke, who went on to do only two movies after this one, plays the Grandpa like a double order of California fruit salad.  Greg Scott Cummings played Tommy with such an aggressive nature that I feared he’d explode.  Carla Baron played Vera as a horny cipher.  And the supporting cast ... well, we’ve already covered that in a previous paragraph.  However, despite it’s obvious flaws and continuity problems, this is an unintentionally funny and fun little movie.  So, when planning your next Halloween party, which is only a few short weeks away, you could do worse than chose HACK ‘O LANTERN for the amusement of your guests.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

MSTjunkie