Cambot’s Voice by S. J. Martiene
EXPERIMENT 8: Night of the Blood beast
Ah Sweet, Sweet November!! Yes, NOVEMBER, when football is high gear, the house is a mess because of the Halloween-to-Christmas decorating transition, AND we get to celebrate one of my FAVORITE days: THANKSGIVING!!! And what is Thanksgiving without turkey? No, not the Tryptophan-Inducing Fowl….MOVIE TURKEYS!!! Years ago, when MST3K was airing on Comedy Central, the network would run a Turkey Day Marathon of some of the best Mystery Science Theater shows. This marathon would last all day and caused dissention in our home, because I wanted to forego Macy’s parade and the football games to watch my favorite riffers. It was the show’s final season on Comedy Central which brought a sad end to this tradition. And it is this Turkey Day Marathon I wish to honor with EPISODE #701T, NIGHT OF THE BLOOD BEAST.
Episode 701 has a unique history. It not only began the 7th and final season on Comedy Central; it also was a feature a couple of weeks later during 1995’s Turkey Day celebration. The host segments were changed to highlight the holiday. This episode also features the short, ONCE UPON A HONEYMOON. Don’t try to figure it out, it stinks!Enjoy!!
Full cast and crew for
Night of the Blood Beast (1958) More at IMDbPro »
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| ... | The Creature |
HOST SEGMENT
Mike and the Bots are talking about “THE GAME”, confusing any and all sports terms from EVERY sport imaginable. They end it with a hearty “TAKE DOWN! TAKE DOWN! TWO POINTS!”—The ONLY wrestling cheer I ever remember. Since TV’s Frank died the previous season, Dr. F. is surprised at having to host a cast of characters for a Thanksgiving feast. These characters include the arrival of Pearl Forrester, Dr. F.’s mother, who will eventually take over the “Mad Scientist” role in Season 8 as the show moves to the Sci-Fi Channel (now SyFy). As Dr. F. laments over the guests invited by TV’s Frank the previous April, Pearl recognizes Crow (she calls him “Art”). Crow/Art recognizes her as well. *You look 10 years younger since the scars were sandblasted off* Dr. F. explains the movie concept and much to his chagrin…since TV’s Frank died, there is no one to send the movie down the Umbilicus. FORTUNATELY, Pearl has one of her favorite movies in her bag….and a short that *sucks on toast* (Pearl).
MOVIE SIGN
The short, ONCE UPON A HONEYMOON (1956) is SO NOT to be confused with the 1942 movie of the same name that stars Cary Grant. It is interesting that TWO of the actors in this short appeared in some pretty good movies in their day. Alan Mowbray (Gordon) appeared in The Man Who Knew Too Much, The King and I, Terror By Night, and My Man Godfrey. Russell Hicks (Angel Chief) appeared in The Little Foxes (one of my FAVORITE Bette Davis films), The Bank Dick, Follow the Fleet, and Scarlet Street. ONCE UPON A HONEYMOON is about a couple named Jeff and Mary. Jeff is a songwriter and because of work obligations, he has had to postpone the couple’s honeymoon. The newlyweds are about to head out the door when Gordon calls and says the “star” of the show LOVES the lyrics to *The Wishing Song*, but does not love the melody. This stops the couple from leaving. OH…I forgot the most important part, their Guardian Angel named Wilbur *insert favorite Mr. Ed line here* is sent down to help them out. Mary begins *WISHING* for house repairs. One part of this short, when she is on the red phone was featured on a Tennessee Lottery commercial a few years ago. Mary wishes for a new kitchen *Wish in one hand, crap in another and see which one fills up first* (Mike) That riff is one I use often with my boys. Mary also wishes for a new living room, a bedroom…Well, you get the point. There is a dance segment, a glowing telephone, and lots of cigarette smoking. Ultimately, they do get the song written with help from the Angel Dust that Wilbur sprinkles on the telephone. *Honey, your cocaine is everywhere* (Crow). *This would be a great companion film with ERASERHEAD* (Crow). *Who the hell was that about anyway?* (Servo)HOST SEGMENT
It is the STUFFING VS. POTATO Controversy. Crow and Servo give their opinions based on more facts than most network newscasts. Mike decides to have both. The Bots agree. Mike has a fit.
MOVIE SIGN
When you have a movie based on a story by Gene CORMAN, one can only conclude that Roger CORMAN is the Executive Producer. *I’ve been Cormanized* (Mike) Like MANY genre movies of the day, it begins with an astronaut in trouble. I cite THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN, and THE CRAWLING HAND as only TWO examples of this storyline. The astronaut (John) crashes and burns. A jeep, carrying Dave and Donna, is sent out to find the remains.*Someone is burning leaves and NASA is there* (Crow) *Did I crash land in the ocean?* (Servo) *No, this is Spooner, Wisconsin* (Mike). Dave radios the others, Steve, Julie, and Alex. John and Julie were to be married. Alex asks, “How bad is it?” *Ever see stroganoff?* (Crow) Donna notices some type of “carpet-like” mass. The fears of this turning into THE CREEPING TERROR begin as the rug escapes. Alex notices that John is still alive and they take him back to their lab. *Is your freezer empty?* (Servo). Dave is examining the “carpet remnants”. We also have a shot of the RESTRICTED AREA sign. *Please, no terrorists.* (Mike) Dave tries to radio for help. He can’t get through. The others examine the body. They notice marks on John’s body. For some reason, a running gag of how everyone is named “Steve” begins. Steve tries his luck at the radio. Suddenly John has a blood pressure reading. Dave tries to fix the radio issues. THEN, the power goes out. Dave is approached by The Creature. The others rush to help. *The Steves are there!* (Mike) They come back in and check on John and spot some more of that carpet-like substance. *That’s mine, my back has been flaking like crazy* (Crow) They decide to board up the broken windows. *We’re all set in case the birds attack us* (Mike). Julie finds something amiss in the blood cells. Just the animation of the cells send Mike and the Bots into incessant giggles.
HOST SEGMENT
Pearl has another conversation with Crow (Art). Pearl laments about her zygote (Dr. F.) *Kill him, that’s what I’d do.” (Crow). Guest Mr. B Natural (Bridget Nelson) and Jack Perkins (Mike) enter the picture. Jack is really drunk.
MOVIE SIGN
They make arrangements to transport John’s body and try to figure out what is happening with his blood and the blood beast has even stopped their watches. *EVERYTHING is going wrong in this movie* (Mike) Julie asks, “What would cause a thing like that?” *God hates us* (Crow) The cast of characters discuss the strange mass that was on the ship. Alex: “We need an explanation and a good one for this” *ELVES* (Crow) They decide to have round-the-clock watches and Alex takes the first one. *Here comes the nutty part* (Crow) We see a creeping shadow of the blood beast. Dave and Steve wake up and investigate *EWWWW, the patient has blown a gasket!* (Crow) Alex is dead. John awakes. *EWW I just blew all over the operating room!* (Mike) *Let’s shoot him back into space and see what happens* (Crow). John is confused. Julie sees another mark on John’s body. *Did that thing pop?* (Servo) They conclude Alex has become part of John because of John’s sudden medical knowledge. They recheck the John’s blood again and they are normal. He goes under the fluoroscope and he is *Loaded with shrimp!* (Crow) Suddenly, The Creature appears. *Barney has been in a fire!* (Crow) A battle ensues. *You can’t stop me from seeing my children!* (Servo) John doesn’t want The Creature killed. John passes out and is put back on a bed. Steve tells Julie that John is dangerous. She says, “Not to me. He won’t hurt me” *unless the Packers lose* (Mike) They all are armed now. *Here’s your Frankenberry Pistol* (Mike) Steve, Donna, and Dave hunt for The Creature. *I don’t see the blood Beast but I see the beast of Yucca Flats* (Mike). Suddenly watches start working. The guys leave Donna and reach the capsule. The Creature grabs Donna. *Sigmund the Sea Monster!! NO!!!* (Crow) They start shooting and it drops Donna. Cut to the lab, John grabs Julie’s gun and starts a speech on how they’re lives may or may not be in the future. He tries to assure Julie that The Creature is harmless. He hands her the gun. *Here’s your Count Chocula pistol* (Servo). When the others return to the lab they discuss AGAIN about killing The Creature. *Let’s review, what are we talking about?* (Servo) They come away with no plan because no one knows anything.
HOST SEGMENT
Mike and The Bots sit down to dinner after singing The Star-Spangled Banner. They look for Crow to say the blessing, but he is down in Deep 13 enjoying that meal with Dr. F., Pearl, Kitten with a Whip (Kevin Murphy), Mr. B, James Lipton (passed out at this point) and Pitch. They start with Pearl giving thanks to God of the things for which they are thankful. Jack Perkins announces the engagement of himself and Mr. B Natural. They chow down.
MOVIE SIGN
The crew is standing watch ... Steve and Dave discuss their concern over John. They choose weapons: A Molotov Cocktail. *It’s a little early to start drinking* (Crow). MORE TALKING about what they are going to do. John inspects Alex’s dead body. Dave and Steve join him. ..and AGAIN the KILL/NOT KILL segment is rehashed. *Once, Twice, Three Times and Blood Beast* (Mike) The next day, John leads them to where the beast is hiding. *If the name says Corman, there will be walking* (Crow) *OH, blood beast scat, careful* (Mike) They finally get to the cave and argue about what is going to happen. The Creature speaks with Alex’s voice. *I’m hiding in here because the dogs keep burying me and digging me up* (Mike) *In our country it is customary to throw gasoline on the new couple* (Crow) The Creature explains AGAIN how he is using Alex’s voice and defends his position on why he should not be killed. Mike and The Bots giggle every time they show the beast. Let’s face it…THAT BEAST is just funny. John somehow FINALLY realizes he has alien babies inside him. He pleads to be killed. The Creature grabs John…John stabs himself. The Molotov Cocktails are thrown and the blood beast is killed. *So what was the point again?* (Servo)
HOST SEGMENT
Mike is ready to serve pie. The argument over Mincemeat Pie is discussed. Mike is too distracted by what is happening on Deep 13. Pearl served her Turkey Surprise which has killed all of the guests except Jack Perkins. Pearl announces she is staying. Jack delights in the Holiday’s importance. *Should you kill him or should I* (Dr. F).
Yes, I am wistful for these Turkey Day celebrations. Though, those days are long gone, we still have the advantage of seeing the movies on Netflix, Hulu, and fan-trading sites.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!
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