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Welcome to the Crypt!

Enter the Crypt as John "The Unimonster" Stevenson and his merry band of ghouls rants and raves about the current state of Horror, as well as reviews Movies, Books, DVD's and more, both old and new.

From the Desk of the Unimonster...

From the Desk of the Unimonster...

Welcome everyone to the Unimonster’s Crypt! Well, the winter’s chill has settled into the Crypt, and your friendly Unimonster won’t stop shivering until May! To take my mind off the cold, we’re going to take a trip into the future … the future of Star Trek! Star Trek was the Unimonster’s first love, and we’ll examine that in this week’s essay. We’ll also inaugurate a new continuing column for The Unimonster’s Crypt, one written by the Uni-Nephew himself! This week he examines one of his favorite films, one that, quite frankly, failed to impress his uncle, Jordan Peele’s Nope. So enjoy the reading and let us hear from you, live long and prosper, and … STAY SCARY!

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04 April, 2009

The Most Frightening Urban Legends: A Look at Several of the Most Popular, Most Terrifying Tales from American Folklore

We’re all familiar with them—we all know someone, who knows someone, who’s brother, or cousin, once knew a girl, who got these phone calls while babysitting, or who’s boyfriend once picked up a hitch-hiker who disappeared, or a couple who was parked by the lake one night and… well, you know what I’m talking about. What you might not know is that these aren’t true events, but Urban Legends. What are “Urban Legends”? Urban Legends are the modern day equivalent of folk-tales, the mostly unwritten oral traditions and histories of a region or a people, usually cautionary in nature, that serve to pass on a culture’s knowledge from one generation to the next. They’ve been in use since the ancient Norse sagas, through the legends of King Arthur and Robin Hood, down to the familiar stories we hear today.

Compared to ghost stories or local historical legends, Urban Legends have a few things that set them apart. They have a commonality that allows them to apply to virtually any setting; the tale is always related as factual; the central characters are usually referred to as someone who’s distantly acquainted, usually a ‘friend of a friend’; and the tales almost always have a moral, a cautionary aspect that’s intended to teach the young what, or rather what not, to do.
The following are some of the most popular Urban Legends around, but more importantly, they’re some of the most frightening. No spider eggs in Bubble-Yum®, no poodles in microwaves, no Walt Disney’s body on ice underneath the Cinderella’s castle at Disneyland. Just terrifying, shocking, horrific tales intended to alarm and frighten the reader.

And remember, they all really happened. You see, this girl I used to date knew this guy, whose brother…


1.) The Vanishing Hitchhiker: This is one of the most common Urban Legends, with reports of occurrences from every region of the United States, as well as Great Britain and France. While they vary in detail, they are remarkably consistent in the core of the legends, and several cases have been documented that appear to be true hauntings, most notably that of Resurrection Mary, who haunts a Chicago cemetery. Typically, the pattern is as follows:

It was growing dark as Joe left work. It was late October, the first October after the end of the Second World War, and the sunsets were coming earlier as the days wore on, which meant that most of his long drive home now took place after nightfall. Though not a nervous man by nature, and a veteran of the Pacific campaigns with the Marines, the long drive from Trenton to his home in Rancocas was along a winding, wooded country road, in these days before the spread of Interstate highways. Often, his was the only car to be seen for several miles, and he was always fatigued by the time he saw the familiar lights of his hometown.

This night seemed darker and colder than normal, as he headed south from the city. He came to the top of a small hill, and was surprised to see, walking alongside the road at the bottom of the hill, a young woman. He was struck by the oddity of her manner of dress; a long, flowing, pale green dress, something similar to the formal dresses his older sisters had worn for school dances, with bare shoulders and low-cut bodice. Decidedly not the standard uniform for evening walks in the country, especially in the chill of a New Jersey autumn. He pulled over beside her, and, opening his door, called out to her.

At first she continued walking slowly along, as though she had not heard his call. He ran to catch up to her, calling out again. This time, she turned, and Joe was struck by her beauty; her blonde hair and pale skin seeming to glow in the rising moonlight. The only imperfection in her features were her eyes; not in form, but in the intense sadness visible within. They reminded Joe of eyes that had seen far too much in too short a time, the “thousand-yard stare” so common to soldiers who had been on the line for too long. He asked if he could help her, and, for a moment, he thought she was indeed unable to hear, but then she nodded, and in a voice scarcely louder than the wind, whispered “Can you give me a ride, please?”

He wrapped his jacket around her shoulders, and guided her to his car, noting how cold she felt. He got in, turning the car’s heater up as high as it would go, but his Chrysler was eight years old, and its seams were hardly tight against the autumn cold. As he drove on, in fact, he could swear it was getting colder, not warmer, inside the car.

“Where can I take you, Miss…?” Joe asked, hoping to get her name. Though her demeanor was unquestionably odd, she was just as unquestionably lovely, and he was a young man just home from war. Again, her response was slow in coming. “Do you know Bordentown?”

“Sure I do. Just about a mile ahead and to the east of here. Where in Bordentown?”

“Six Fifty-Nine West Church Street.”

“Ok. I’ll have you home in ten minutes. Excuse me, Miss, I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Joe Th—“

“Can you hurry, please? My father gets upset if I’m late.”

Joe had been shot down often enough to know when to call it quits, and turned his attention back to his driving. They soon reached the turn-off to Bordentown, and within minutes were entering the outskirts of town. As he turned off Farnsworth Avenue onto Church, he saw a small, Catholic church and cemetery on the right. As the Chrysler passed the churchyard, he heard a soft moan come from his passenger, and turned to see if she was all right. To his astonishment, the passenger seat was empty.

Quickly, he slammed on his brakes, and jumped out. He could see the length of the street; it was utterly deserted. It was a quiet, residential neighborhood, no stores or shops open late, no place for the girl to go.

Just the graveyard.

He got back in the car, dazed, not sure what to do. Indeed, Joe wasn’t quite sure what had happened. He knew that the door hadn’t opened. For one, there was no way he could’ve missed that, and besides, he had been doing nearly thirty. He couldn’t believe that any girl wearing a formal gown would be jumping from a moving auto at thirty miles per hour. Finally, he decided to follow the only logical course he could see. He drove another two blocks, to 659 West Church.
The house was typical of its neighbors; small, trim, neatly kept. The front window was lit, so he walked up the step and rang the bell. After a brief wait, the porchlight came on, and the door opened on a tall, spare old man. He looked to be in his seventies, but Joe guessed that he was closer to sixty; years weren’t the only thing that could age a man. He looked Joe over coldly, and looked past him to the car idling on the street in front of his home. When he spoke, it was with a voice tinged with sadness, resentment, and understanding. “She’s not here, son. Please go, it’s late.”

“Excuse me, sir, but how do you know that I was looking for a girl if she’s not here? All due respect, sir, but she did give me this address.”

“I know that she did, lad, and I know that you found her alongside the main road. I know that she asked you for a ride, and I know that she asked you to bring her here. And I know that she just disappeared from your car, just as you passed the churchyard, aye?”

Joe was shocked at the old man’s knowledge. “Mister, how did you know all that? She must be here!”

“Nae, son, she isn’t. She hasn’t been here in nearly seven years now, though she still tries, God bless her poor spirit. That girl was me own daughter. She died where you found her tonight. She died seven years ago the night of the 31st. She was barely turned seventeen when she died.”

“No, that’s not possible! She was in my car not ten minutes ago. A beautiful, young, blonde haired girl. I didn’t imagine it!”

The old man sighed. “Son, her name was Mary Catherine, Mary Catherine Nichols. She was born twenty-four years ago this very night, October Twenty-First, Nineteen Hundred and Twenty-One. She died ten days after her seventeenth birthday, Nineteen Thirty-Eight. Do you really want proof?” The old man’s hard eyes looked Joe over again. “You gave her a jacket, a sweater, or some such, right?”

Joe numbed mind was on automatic, and he replied without thought. “She was cold, I, I put my coat on her.”

“Aye, I imagine she was. Wait here, lad.” The man closed the door leaving Joe shivering on the porch, whether from the cold or something else, he wasn’t sure. After what seemed like several minutes, the door opened, and the old man walked out. He had put on an overcoat and boots, and was carrying a large flashlight. “Ok, son, let’s go.”

“Yes sir. Where to, sir?” In a state of shock, Joe’s military training asserted itself, and he was simply following orders.

“To fetch your jacket, where else? And to get you your proof, for it’s sure you won’t rest easy without it. I’ll lay odds not much better with, but better than without. We’ll walk. You might as well turn your car off.”

They walked in silence down the quiet street. Occasionally a dog would bark, but otherwise no notice was taken of the pair. They entered the cemetery, the old man in the lead, walking with obvious familiarity through the rows of gravestones, heading unerringly for one particular stone.
At first, Joe thought that the stone had been broken off near the base, but as he drew closer, he could see that it was an illusion, caused by the fabric that had been draped over the stone.

It was a jacket. His jacket.

He pulled the coat off the monument, and read the inscription:

NICHOLS
Mary Catherine
Born
October 21st, 1921
Died
October 31st, 1938
OUR BELOVED DAUGHTER

“Do you believe me now, son? Do you understand? Every year is the same. It starts on her birthday, and every night until the Thirty-First. Some young boyo shows up at the door, just like you.

“That’s how I knew what you wanted tonight. And they’ll be another tomorrow, and the next night, and the next. Me poor girl hasn’t given up yet.”


2.) The Babysitter and the Killer: A persistent Urban Legend, at least since the 1940’s-50’s. Many variants exist, though most have a few common touches: The babysitter, alone with her charges, is stalked by a killer that’s in the house with her. The basis of many Horror films through the years, (HALLOWEEN; WHEN A STRANGER CALLS; HE KNOWS YOU’RE ALONE) and still evolving. This is a very common variant:

Sheila liked babysitting for the Carters. They always paid her well, they kept cokes in the fridge for her, their two kids, Lyndsey and Tommy, were easy to handle, and, best of all, they actually had cable! They had been the first on the block to get it, and though several families had it now, Sheila’s Dad had just spent a hundred bucks on a new antenna, and said that it was plenty good enough.

The Carter’s had said they’d be home late, which was fine with Sheila. She always got extra if she had to stay past 11:00. It was just after 8:30, and the kids had had their baths and were in bed already. She popped some popcorn, and sat down to watch MTV, hoping to catch the latest Duran Duran video. Jessica had been telling her about it at school, and she was dying to see it for herself.

She hadn’t been watching long when the phone rang. She wasn’t expecting anyone to call her there, but Danny occasionally called when she babysat.

“Carter residence.”

Just silence answered her.

“Hello, Carter residence, Sheila speaking.”

More silence.

“Whoever’s on here, this isn’t funny. If you don’t say something, I’m going to hang up!” The silence continued. Sheila thought she could hear faint breathing on the line. “Ok, sicko, I’m hanging up.”

“Have you checked the children lately?” The voice was low, almost whispering.

“You’re just a sick freak, aren’t you? Don’t call back!” She slammed the phone down on it’s cradle. She checked the doors to make sure they were locked, and thought about going upstairs to check on the kids, but decided not to risk waking them up.

The ringing of the phone froze her in place, as a cold chill ran down her spine. She hesitantly answered the phone. “Carter residence.”

“Have you checked the children lately?”

“You’re a psycho!! Quit calling me!” Once again, she slammed the phone down, tears streaming down her cheeks. She had never had to deal with something like this, and was at a loss as to what to do. There was only one thing she knew she had to do now… climb those stairs and look in on Lyndsey and Tommy. She grabbed the only thing that looked like a weapon: an iron fireplace poker. Then she headed upstairs.

She quietly opened the door to Lyndsey’s room. She lay sleeping peacefully beneath her Cabbage Patch Kids sheets, her night-light faintly reflecting off the painted Mickey and Minnie on her bedroom walls. Sheila peeked in at Tommy, surrounded by football and baseball gear, toy cars and model airplanes. He too was fast asleep, and Sheila headed back down to figure out her next move.

If her parents had been home, she would’ve called her Dad. They lived only five houses down, and he could be there in a few minutes. When Mr. Sicko called back, he could talk to her Dad, and then see what happened. But they went to the same party as the Carter’s had gone to, and it was all the way across town. Only one thing made sense to her, and that was to call the police.
“Plainsville Police department, Sgt. Hansen speaking. Can I help you?”

“Hi, my name is Sheila Lofton. I’m baby-sitting for Dr. and Mrs. Carter. I keep getting obscene phone calls.”

“Ok, Sheila, we can help you. Just what is this person saying to you?”

“He keeps asking if I’ve checked on the children.”

“Do you recognize the voice?”

“No. It’s real deep, real quiet… like he’s whispering.”

“Ok Sheila, you’re doing great with this. How old are you?”

“I’m fifteen. My birthday’s in five weeks.”

“Well, you’re doing fine. What’s the address you’re calling from?”

“1205 East Bay Street.”

“And the phone number there?”

She read the phone number off the dial; her anxiety had caused her to forget it.

“Now tell me, Sheila, have you done what the voice said?”

“Yes. I was scared, but I did check on the kids. They’re both sleeping good.”

“Very good. Now, I have a car near you right now. I’m going to have it drive by and check things out in the neighborhood, maybe have the officers come to the door and check on you. And if he calls back, try to talk to him for a while so we can trace the call. Think you can do that?”

“Yes, I think I can. Will the police stay here with me?”

“No Sheila, I’m sorry, but that’s the only car in that section of town. I need it to stay out on patrol. But it can be there in a matter of minutes if you need it. But there’s nothing to worry about, honey. This is just some weirdo who found an odd way of getting o—of getting his kicks. You’ll be fine. Now, I’m going to hang up. Remember, if he calls again, keep him talking as long as you can, ok?”

Sheila sat down, knowing that another call would come. She kept the poker next to her on the couch, and tried to watch TV, but Madonna and Michael Jackson just couldn’t hold her attention. The sudden ringing of the telephone nearly made her scream.

“Hell—Hello? Hello, Carter residence?”

“Have you checked the children lately?”

“Yes! Yes I did… please, please stop calling me!”

“But I like calling you.”
Sheila burst into tears. “Please stop. I’m so frightened… please quit calling!”

“I don’t think so. And I don’t think you checked on the children. I think you lied.”

“NO! I did check them! I didn’t lie about it!”

“You didn’t check on them, not really. You say you did, but I know better.”

She was sobbing loudly now. “I did, I really did… I did check them, I promise I did.”

“No you didn’t, Sheila… I had already killed them both.”

She screamed and slammed the phone down, snatching up the poker. The phone rang again. “Please stop calling me!!!!”

“Sheila, this is Sgt. Hansen… get out of the house, honey. Get out now!” She heard the sound of heavy footsteps coming down the stairs, and without thought ran for the door.

And straight into the arms of two Police officers.

Later, after Police had shot the psycho, and found the bodies of the children lying in their beds, their throats cut, Sheila asked them what had happened. How did the sergeant know he had gotten into the house? How had he gotten in there in the first place?

“It’s simple, Miss. When we traced the last call, we found out that he was calling from a second line, from inside the house.”


3.) Bloody Mary / The Face in the Mirror: One of the oldest and most enduring of Urban Legends is the story of the Face in the Mirror, more commonly known as “Bloody Mary”. Also inspiring several Horror Films, most notably the CANDYMAN series of movies, it’s also something of a personal challenge, perhaps originally meant as test of courage. The stories are all remarkably similar, and go like this:

The slumber party was going full blast, with nearly a dozen 12 and 13 year old girls crammed into the family room, fueled by cokes, chips, and pizza, talking about boys, and music, and whatever else girls of that age discuss. Gradually, the talk turned to ghost stories, scary tales best told with the lights down low, in hushed tones while huddled close to friends. Jamie, a natural story-teller and writer, and the oldest girl in the group, loved to tell scary stories, frightening the younger girls with graphic descriptions of severed heads, nightmarish creatures, walking corpses, and other grotesques that sprang forth from her fertile imagination. The others tried in vain to top her tales, or come up with something that would scare her the way she so easily scared them. Rebecca, one of the younger girls, was patiently waiting to tell her story. She knew that she had one that would just scare Jamie out of her mind.

“—and when they finally got the door to the room opened, the red-haired woman was gone, missing. There was no other exit from the room; the windows were sealed shut, the only door locked and chained from the inside. The hotel staff searched, the police searched, but no trace of the mysterious woman in Room 3 was ever found.

“None of them ever noticed that the old painting hanging above the bed, the one of the family that once owned the hotel back when it was the most beautiful Plantation Manor in the state, the painting that, only the day before, had shown five figures, now had a sixth. A beautiful woman now stood behind the family, off to the side.

“A woman with the loveliest, saddest eyes… and long, flowing red hair.”

The girls let out a collective sigh, then Rebecca said “My turn next! I’ve got a good one!”

Jamie handed her the flashlight; it was traditional that the one telling the story held it.

“Now this story is going to be the scariest you’ve ever heard, because it’s true. My brother Eddie heard it at college from a guy who actually did it. He only told me about it after I promised him I wouldn’t ever try it.”

“Once upon a time, long ago, there was a beautiful girl named Mary, with long blonde hair and bright hazel eyes. She was the prettiest girl in the country, and would sit in front of her mirror, hour after hour, brushing her golden curls and admiring herself.

“Many handsome men wanted to ask her out, and would ask her father for permission to date his daughter, but she wouldn’t have anything to do with them, she was so stuck on herself. Her dad begged her to consider at least one of them… he said that it wasn’t right that a girl her age should have no interest in boys. He told her that soon she’d need to marry, and she should at least know one man when that time came.

“She didn’t want her dad to be mad at her, so she started dating a couple of the boys who asked her out. But most didn’t ask her out again, because all she would do is stare into any mirror that was around. She even kept a pocket mirror, and would pull it out if there wasn’t a bigger mirror nearby.

“Finally, the boys just quit asking. Her dad was broken-hearted, because he was worried about who would take care of his daughter when he was gone, but she was just as happy as before, sitting and staring at the mirror all day.

“Months went past, and then years. Her dad had gotten older, and one day he realized that he was dying. He was worried about Mary, because there was no one to take care of her after he died. He figured that he needed to do something about her while he was still strong enough to.

“He got the hatchet from the wood pile, went to Mary’s room, and, as she sat there staring into the mirror, chopped it straight into her head. Blood sprayed out everywhere, and the last thing she saw reflected in her mirror was the blood pouring down over her face.”

The girls sat there in silence, but Jamie wasn’t satisfied. “That’s it? That’s all of it?”

“No, that’s not all…” Rebecca said, heatedly. “Because her ghost was trapped in the mirror. Now, she haunts all mirrors. Eddie said that, if you go into the bathroom, leave the lights off, face the mirror, and say ‘Bloody Mary’ out loud five times, her face appears in the mirror next to you.”

“Oh, that’s bull! Eddie’s just teasing you! How could she haunt every mirror in the world?”

“Eddie wasn’t teasing, he was serious. He made me promise never to try it. I think he did, and it scared him too bad.”

Jamie just shrugged and stood up. “Well, I never promised. I think I’ll try it.” Rebecca gasped, as a couple of the other girls giggled nervously. “NO! Jamie, please don’t. It is real… Eddie wouldn’t lie to me!”

“Becky, he didn’t lie to you. Not really. It’s just like the ghost stories I tell—they aren’t lies, just make-believe.”

“No Jamie, not this one. I’m not a baby, I can tell the difference between make-believe and real. This was real.”

Jamie said nothing else, just headed to the bathroom. All the girls followed her, Rebecca near tears. Jamie looked at Rebecca. “All I have to do it say her name five times with the lights off, right?”

The frightened girl just nodded, too scared to speak. The older girl closed the door, and the rest gathered close to the thin wood of the door. They listened close, and could clearly hear the first chant.

“Bloody Mary…” The girls started giggling.

“Bloody Mary…” More nervous titters, but not quite so amused now.

“Bloody Mary…” Mostly silence, with just a few whispered comments.

“Bloody Mary…” Absolute deadly quiet.

“Bloody Mary!” Not even the sound of breathing could be heard, as the girls clustered close to the bathroom door. Suddenly, a piercing scream tore through the silence, not a girlish scream of surprise, but a rough, wet scream that spoke of terror, of agony.

When the parents of the girl hosting the party managed to get the door open, they found Jamie’s crumpled body lying hard up against the door. The 13-year old had died… of fright.


4.) The Hook: One of the more overtly cautionary tales, intended to discourage teen sex in the days when parking by the lake and watching the “Submarine races” from the back seat was a typical Friday night ritual. This Urban Legend seems to date from the late ‘40’s-early ‘50’s, and has lost a little of its currency in today’s more permissive culture. Still, it’s one of the more frightening of the “Classic” Urban Legends, and goes something like this:

The three-quarter moon was rising in the night sky as Jerry’s Studebaker pulled into the grassy parking strip next to Spengler’s pond. In the summer it was a favorite picnic spot, but on Friday and Saturday nights it became the place for teen-agers, looking for a little privacy, an out of the way spot to park for a while. It was set more than a mile back from the main road; there were no houses around; and not even the county sheriff paid too much attention to what went on up there.

It was mid-October, and, in this part of eastern Wisconsin, already you could feel the sharp bite of the coming winter. Still, it was surprising to see that theirs was the only car parked up there that night. Even in winter, if the snow wasn’t too deep to get up the dirt road, it was uncommon to find it completely deserted on a Friday night. Jerry pulled up under a large elm, and turned the lights off, though he kept the motor running for the heat.

“Look at this, Terri. All alone out here. Guess I was the only guy could get a date tonight.”

“Keep dreaming. Still, it’s not bad, being out here by ourselves… is it?” She reached over and turned the radio on, trying to find a station with something good playing. “—that was the single topping the charts for the fourth week now, the new one from that musical tornado from Tupelo, Elvis Presley… Don’t Be Cruel! This is Screamin’ Jack Conners spinning the stacks of wax for you kittens and cats, on 1410 WRWC, pumping out 10,000 watts to Oshkosh, Appleton, and all of Winnebago County! And remember kids, on a more serious note, police are warning everyone to be watchful tonight, as there’s been an escape from St. Thomas’ Asylum on the north side of Oshkosh. One Charlie Hatcher, also known as ‘the Hook’, broke out late last night, and is still on the loose. Hatcher, who lost an arm in a childhood accident, was committed to St. Thomas’ four years ago, following the murders of his entire family. The weapon used was a steel hook that he fashioned himself, and fit on his artificial arm. It was never found following his arrest. Winnebago county Sheriff Edwa—”

“I don’t want to hear that!” Terri said, turning off the radio. “Maybe we should’ve gone to the movies. I don’t know if I want to be out here with a maniac on the loose.”

“C’mon, baby… I’m right here. You think I’m gonna let anything happen to my girl?”

“What can you do against some kind of crazy man? You… you don’t think he’s some kind of—‘sex fiend’, do you, Jerry?”

“Baby, I’m the only sex fiend you’re going to run into tonight. Forget ‘The Hook’. He’s gotta be a hundred miles from here by now.”

“How do you know? He could be right here… St. Thomas’ is only four miles away.”

“Yeah, but honey, why would he head this way? There’s nothing up here. I’d head towards Milwaukee or Chicago, not deeper into the sticks.”

“Well, maybe the maniac doesn’t think the way you do! I think we ought to go, Jerry. Let’s go to the diner… I’ll bet that’s where everyone’s hanging out tonight.”

“Which is exactly why we want to be here, Terri. C’mon, sweetheart, I’ve been real patient, haven’t I? Don’t I deserve to be alone with you for a little while?”

“Jerry, you’ve been great… you really have. And I really do want to, you know, be with you. But please, not tonight—not here.”

“Oh, Terri… how much longer do I have to wait? You know, we must be the last couple we know not to have ‘done it’. And we’ve been dating since last May!”

“And if you want to keep dating, you’ll take me to the diner… right now! Jerry, I’m sorry—but I really want to leave now. I promise, I will make it up to you. And soon. But not tonight!”

“Fine!” He slammed the transmission into gear and stomped on the gas, feeling the rear wheels spin for just a second before they got traction and the car leapt forward. As they left the pond behind them, Terri slid closer to him, and soon his anger and frustration was forgotten as Terri cooed tender thank-yous into his ear.

As they drove back north towards Appleton, Jerry began to notice a grinding sound coming from the right rear of the vehicle. His car was far from new, and he thought that it was probably time to replace the rear brakes. After a twenty-minute drive, they pulled into the parking lot at Chuck’s Diner. Jerry got out, and came around the front to open Terri’s door. He was puzzled by the long, deep gouge running down the side of his car, from the rear edge of the front passenger door on back. He knew that it hadn’t been on the car when he had picked her up, and he traced the gouge all the way back. His eyes widened in shock when they reached the rear bumper.

There, dragging from the bumper, was an artificial arm. Where the hand should be was a gleaming metal hook.


5.) People can Lick, Too: This is a more recent development, and is one of the more gruesome. Another of those tales that Hollywood has found a use for, it’s basic structure is almost identical from version to version, though the details are, of course, changeable. It generally goes as follows:

“Roscoe! Roscoe, come here!” Jenny called out for the dog again, wondering where he could have gotten too. It was late, and the darkness didn’t help her spot him. He shouldn’t have been able to leave the back yard, but it was a big yard, and it was possible that he had found a hole in the fence, or had dug his way out. The problem was that the yard was so overgrown with brush that he could hide anywhere; but the four girls who shared the house had little time, between college classes, jobs, and social lives, for yard work.

“Roscoe, COME HERE!! Roscoe, I’ve got steak!” With the utterance of that magic word, a pudgy English bulldog came trotting out from behind a particularly overgrown stand of brush, stub tail wagging, tongue hanging from the side of his mouth. That tongue was constantly in motion; Roscoe was a licker, he loved to show affection, especially by licking any hand that was within reach.

He was technically Jenny’s dog, though all four girls loved him, and spoiled him rotten. She reached down and gave him the small morsel of meat in her hand, receiving a sloppy wet lick for a thank you. She patted his side, and he followed her into the house, stub tail wagging happily.
The house was small, smaller than you would think judging from the size of the yard, with just two bedrooms, two girls sharing each one. Karen, Jenny’s roommate, was in her bed sound asleep already, and Jenny was anxious to get into hers as well; she had an early class in the morning, and would be working until late that night. She settled under the covers, as Roscoe lay down in his accustomed spot next to the head of her bed. Just before she drifted off, she reached down and scratched behind the bulldog’s ears, and he responded with a tired, reflexive lick of her hand.

Something woke her up. She wasn’t sure what, but in that half-sleeping, half-waking dream state, she was sure that it must have been Roscoe. She listened for a long moment, and could hear him grunting and rustling about beside her bed. “Roscoe!” she whispered. “Settle down! Go back to sleep.” She reached over and received an apologetic lick, and rapidly drifted back to sleep.

Her alarm clock started buzzing promptly at six. She sat up in bed, reached over to shut off the alarm, and stretched her arms out as she swung her legs off the bed. She sat there for a minute, fighting the urge to drift back to sleep, as well as the vague sense that something was wrong, something she couldn’t quite put a finger on. Then it hit her: Roscoe always, always, was waiting to give her bare feet a good morning lick as soon as they hit the floor. Ordinarily it annoyed her, but now it’s absence was troubling. “Roscoe? Roscoe, where are you?” No response. At this time of the year the room was still in full darkness, and she turned the light on.
“Karen, it’s time to wake up. C’mon lazy, you’ve got an 8:30 class, same as me. Roscoe, come here, boy.” She got up, heading to the bathroom. As she passed Karen’s bed, she grabbed the blanket to pull off her friend, and was shocked by the sodden feel of the dark material. She pulled the cover slowly down. And screamed.

Karen’s eyes stared lifelessly up at Jenny, her mouth gaping open in a silent scream, a second, mocking grin cut deeply through her throat. The mutilations continued down her body, and the once pale-yellow sheets were now a brownish-maroon color. Jenny dropped the dripping blanket, and ran from the room, still screaming.

She burst into the room of the other two girls, only to find another scene of horror. This time, the spectacle was laid out in full view, each roommate stretched out on her bed as if upon some unholy altar. Blood stained the beds, blood stained the floor, blood was even sprayed across the walls. In the center of the room, between the two beds, lay Roscoe, dead. On the far wall, in large, red letters, rapidly drying to black, was written one brief sentence.

“People can lick, too.”


6.) Chased by a Trucker: This very popular legend is another that has gotten co-opted by Hollywood, being a prominent feature of the movie URBAN LEGEND. First documented in the late 1960’s, this legend is still active in cyberspace, with new variations appearing every so often. Though there are differences among the iterations of it, the players in this drama are always the same: The lone motorist is a woman, while both the attacker and rescuer are men. This is a common variant:

Susan could feel herself getting sleepy; she had already been driving for nearly ten hours, and wanted nothing more than to sleep for the next ten. But she was less than a hundred miles from the college, and hated the thought of stopping off when she was this close. She glanced down at her gas gauge. She thought she had enough to reach her destination, but why chance it? She would pull in at the next pump and fill-up, and get herself a strong cup of coffee.

She hadn’t traveled much further when the welcoming lights of a gas station rose up over the horizon. With a grateful yawn, she pulled into the self-serve island and filled her tank.

The station looked deserted, except for the one old man working the counter inside. She poured the largest cup of coffee they had, loaded it up with sugar, and grabbed a bag of chips. Atkins be damned, she needed energy. She paid for her purchases, and headed back out to her car.

An 18-wheeler had pulled up to the diesel pumps on the other side of the station’s lot, and Susan could see the driver walking in her direction. Actually, he was walking rather briskly. In fact, you could say that he was practically running towards her. Startled, she dove into the driver’s seat of her car as quickly as possible, dropping the coffee and chips to the pavement. The truck driver reached her door just as she hit the lock button, and began to pound frantically on the windows. Screaming at him to leave her alone, she managed to get the key in the ignition and sped off. Terrified, she could see him in her rear-view, sprinting back to his truck. Seconds later, a fresh scream tore from her throat as the large headlights of the truck flashed from behind her. She grabbed her cell phone, but couldn’t get a signal.

Susan pushed the Bronco as hard as she could, but it was eight years old, and hardly built for speed. She had it edging up to ninety, but that was as much as it had, and the big rig was riding her rear bumper, blasting his horn and flashing his lights. Susan was near hysterics as she sped along the winding country road, pursued closely by the lunatic in the truck.

As she reached the crest of a large hill, she saw flashing lights ahead of her, and burst into tears. Several police cars were blocking the road, and she pulled up to them, jumping from the Bronco and running to the nearest officer. Susan noticed several others run past with weapons drawn, and turned to see them surround, not the 18-wheeler now parked behind her car, headlights blazing through her rear windowglass, but her own vehicle. Her surprise turned to shock and terror as they dragged a large, unshaven man from her rear seat. As a long, wicked-looking knife fell to the ground, she fainted.

When Susan regained consciousness, she was in the back of an ambulance, with medics and police officers around her. One asked if she felt up to meeting someone. When she asked who, the officer told her it was the trucker who saved her life. He had seen the escaped murderer climb into the back of her truck, and though she had sped off before he could get to her and warn her, he followed behind, flashing his lights and sounding his horn to keep the psycho in hiding, while using his CB radio to call for help.



7.) Scratching on the Roof: Dating back to the mid-1960’s, this tale, bearing a close resemblance to “The Hook”, is another of those cautionary tales that serve to keep our sons and daughters off of the lover’s lanes and out of the way parking spaces where they could engage in activities parents would rather they avoid. While there are versions of this tale that have been recorded as far away as Malaysia, the version most common in America is generally as follows:

It was a warm summer night, and Rick had the engine of his Dad’s brand-new ‘64 Bel Air purring as it roared along the country road that led to the lake. Debbie was leaning on his shoulder, feet up on the wide bench seat. They had gotten a later start than their friends, who had certainly gotten to the campsite by now. But they were getting close; less than two miles to go, and they’d be relaxing by a fire with the rest of the gang, listening to music, sneaking off for a few moments alone, enjoying each other’s company.

The engine started sputtering, and when Rick looked down at the instruments, he was shocked to see that the gas gauge was past the E mark. He managed to pull the car off the road, and park it underneath a large tree just as the engine died.

Debbie had dozed off, and looked up expecting to see their friends gathered around a cheery campfire. Instead, she saw only trees and the lonely, dark country road that they had been driving.

“What’s wrong?”

“You won’t believe this, but we’re out of gas.”

She sat straight up. “You’re joking!”

“’Fraid not, Honey. Guess I forgot to stop earlier.”

Debbie looked around, not certain where they were. “How far to the lake?”

“Not far… a couple of miles, that’s all. I can walk there in a jiffy, and have Bill or Freddie give me a ride back here with some gas.”

“And leave me here alone?”

“It won’t be more than a half-hour. Twenty minutes there, then just siphon a little gas and head back here. I’ll tell you what, as soon as I get there, I’ll send Freddie and Janet back after you. Ok?”

Debbie didn’t like the idea, but she knew that Rick was right. She could go with him, but he was on the track team at school; she’d just slow him down. As he started off down the road at a quick pace, she locked all the doors, and turned the radio up. Though it was a pleasant evening, it wasn’t overly warm, and she pulled a light blanket over her bare legs.

With a start, she realized that she had dozed off. She knew something had awakened her, but wasn’t sure just what. She glanced at her watch, and was shocked to see that more than an hour had passed since Rick had left to get help. She then heard a noise, faint but close, and realized what it was that had caused her to wake up… the soft, thumping scrape of something rubbing on the roof of the car.

Frightened by the knowledge that someone or something was right on top of her, she began to cry softly. She quickly double-checked the doors, and noticed something that sent chills down her spine: a thin line of dark fluid was dripping down the rear window, gathering in a thick, viscous pool on the trunk lid. It had to be, could only be, blood. She could picture in her mind the slavering jaws of some great beast, blood dripping from a fresh kill. Debbie’s head began to spin, and she passed out in shock.

She awoke to bright morning sunshine streaming in through the car’s windows, and realized with a start that someone was looking in at her, tapping on the glass. She screamed, before recognizing that the man was wearing the uniform of the county Sheriff’s office. She quickly unlocked the door, sobbing in relief that the ordeal of the previous night was over. The deputy reached in, helping her out as he pulled the blanket that had fallen to the floor boards over her head and shoulders. “Oh thank God… thank God you came. I’ve been praying someone would come. I was so frightened… my boyfriend went to get some gas, but he never came back, and I was so scared.”

“Ok honey, it’s ok. We’re just going to walk over to the car here, you’re just going to keep your head down, and we’re going to walk straight over to my car, ok?”

“But where’s my boyfriend? He never came back… he wouldn’t leave me here all night. He must be lost, or… or—” As she turned to argue with the officer, the blanket slipped from her head, and she caught sight of the car in which she had been confined.

Her eyes traced upward from the pool of congealed blood on the trunklid, up the dark rivulets that painted the rear windscreen, to an equally large pool on the roof of the car. A part of her mind realized what had been causing the scratching she had heard the night before, but she was already past caring about that. The screaming started as soon as she recognized Rick’s body, throat opened wide, suspended upside-down from the stout limb of the tall tree they were parked beside. As the breeze caused the limb to sway, Rick’s body did likewise, and his outstretched fingers scraped across the steel roof of the Chevy. Her mind slowly descended into madness, as she watched the dead fingers of her boyfriend dragging through a stagnant puddle of his own blood.

She was still screaming when the ambulance arrived.


So there you have them, the most frightening Urban Legends. More are out there, and will be added… but only when I’m satisfied that they are the best, most terrifying legends you’ve ever encountered. After all, I have a reputation to uphold.













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DVD Review: LA TARANTOLA DAL VENTRE NERO ~aka~ THE BLACK BELLY OF THE TARANTULA

Title: LA TARANTOLA DAL VENTRE NERO ~aka~ THE BLACK BELLY OF THE TARANTULA

Year of Release—Film: 1971

Year of Release—DVD: 2006

DVD Label: Blue Underground



One of the greatest benefits of the DVD format over the Videotape is the greatly reduced cost of manufacture and distribution. This has enabled distributors to release films that were unobtainable on VHS simply because the limited demand for them would make the costs prohibitive. Several distributors have arisen whose specialty is dealing with these ‘niche’ movies, and one of the best is Blue Underground. Specializing in Eurohorrors and Grindhouse treasures, this company has been responsible for the release of many of my favorite films to DVD, including the spectacular BLIND DEAD Box Set from 2005.

In 2006, Blue Underground released one of the most critically acclaimed Italian mysteries known as Gialli to DVD—Paolo Cavara’s LA TARANTOLA DAL VENTRE NERO ~aka~ THE BLACK BELLY OF THE TARANTULA. Starring Giancarlo Giannini, Claudine Auger, and Catherine Bach, this 1971 murder mystery has all the classic elements of a Giallo… stylish art direction; a masked, mysterious killer; inventive death scenes; a net full of red herrings; a suspenseful climax; and beautiful women in various states of undress. LA TARANTOLA… rises above the average of this sub-genre in two important respects: The performances, especially of Giannini as the troubled Detective in charge of the case, and Stefania Sandrelli, as his lovely wife, are superb, far better than the norm for this type of production; and the incredible bevy of beauties present, including no fewer than three Bond Girls.

The plot for this film is good, nothing extremely original, but well thought-out and constructed. Assigned the investigation of the murder of a wealthy man’s estranged wife, Giannini, a rookie Homicide Detective, is drawn into an expanding web of intrigue that reaches even into his marriage. Other murders soon follow the first, as the police realize they’re dealing with a serial killer—one who has begun targeting them.

The Unimonster has long been a fan of the Giallo as a film genre, and LA TARANTOLA… is certainly no exception to the rule. It’s a well plotted, well made murder mystery, in the best tradition of the Italian cinema. There are some who would complain that such films are convoluted and hard to follow; those who are fans of the genre say rather that that’s part of the appeal of a mystery. The Gialli are similar in form and substance to the film noir of the ‘40’s, or Hitchcock’s stylish thrillers. The best of them, and LA TARANTOLA… must be considered in that company, are every bit as satisfying a mystery as THE MALTESE FALCON, and as effective a thriller as REAR WINDOW.

One caveat to the reader, though. Both the original, Italian release and the edited American release are included on the Blue Underground disc; avoid the American edit. I’ve always been a firm believer in seeing a movie in it’s original state—how it was first seen in theaters. Yes, that means dealing with subtitles in this case—get over it. I want to hear the actual performers act… not some stand-in reading a translated script. Also, the edited version is some nine minutes shorter than the original. Granted, you can pare a minute or two from almost any film… but nine minutes? Almost a tenth of the film, gone? Why not just enjoy the full-length feature the way it was intended to be seen… and heard? My recommendation is to do just that… I say it’s a buy, but whether you buy or rent, you should see LA TARANTOLA… You might find you’re a fan of Gialli as well.





















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14 March, 2009

Give Me Those Old-Time Vampires, They’re Good Enough For Me…

It’s become the trend, ever since the mid-‘90’s, to portray vampires and werewolves as members of huge, underground assemblages, with armies that do battle, governments and leaders, whole societies that exist sub-rosa. BLADE and UNDERWORLD are two recent franchises that popularize this societal view of these classic monsters. But how did this trend begin, and more importantly, how do we end it?

1987 was a big year in the shift towards this new vision of vampires as social creatures. Its true start was THE LOST BOYS, a seminal vampire movie. NEAR DARK, released the same year, continued the non-traditional view of vampires, even to the point that the word “vampire” doesn’t even appear in the film. That trend ran throughout the ‘90’s and into this decade, culminating in the two UNDERWORLD movies.

Speaking personally, while I more or less enjoyed most of these films, I’m quite frankly over the ‘societal’ view of our classic monsters. The sight of groups of vampires and werewolves doing battle with automatic weapons like a common street gang just doesn’t work for me any more. I’m not sure it ever did.

Vampires shouldn’t live in ritzy, million-dollar Manhattan condos, or travel around in executive helicopters. They certainly shouldn’t need Glock 23’s in order to deal with their foes. Did Lugosi ever feel the need to slip a Chief’s Special into the pocket of his tuxedo? I think not.

Reinventing the monsters does seem to be the big thing in Hollywood these days. Columbia got the ball rolling with their “Americanized” GODZILLA, known less than affectionately as “GINO”, (i.e., Godzilla In Name Only…) Beginning with Stephen Sommers’ blockbuster remake of THE MUMMY (1999), most of the great Universal monsters have received make-overs, with varying degrees of success. Sommers’ VAN HELSING gave us new looks for Frankenstein’s Monster, Count Dracula, and the Wolf-Man, as well as a rather Shrek-like Mr. Hyde. Now, I’m not jumping on the “Bash VAN HELSING” bandwagon here. I’ve said it before, and I’m sure that I’ll say it again—I believe that the people who were disappointed by the film were expecting something from Sommers they simply weren’t going to get, and that is a good, frightening Horror Film. Anyone familiar with this director’s work would know what to expect from him in this case: RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK, with monsters. And that’s precisely what was delivered.

Moreover, it’s a continuing trend. Universal’s long-rumored remake of THE CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON, originally due in 2009, has been pushed back to no earlier than 2011, but according to recent statements from screenwriter Gary Ross, it’s still on track. It’s not yet been decided whether the Creature will be live-action or CGI, but I doubt that he’ll look anything like the beloved Gill-man of our memories. And we should see a new version of THE WOLF-MAN this year, played by Benicio Del Toro, who most certainly won’t be the familiar Larry Talbot.

But these reinventions have dealt primarily with the looks and abilities of our favorite monsters. VAN HELSING’s Dracula, overwrought histronics and bad hair aside, was still recognizable as the greatest of the undead. He lived in a castle, and did his flying by bat’s wing, not Boeing. Arnold Vosloo’s Imhotep may have been, supernaturally speaking, far more powerful than Karloff’s Ardeth Bey, but they were recognizable as the same character. Without being told and with the sound turned down, would you realize that UNDERWORLD was a vampire vs. werewolf movie, or would you think you were watching MATRIX: REDUNDANCY? There may be a valid reason to have your vampires packing heat, waging turf battles with Mac-10 toting werewolves. There may also be a valid reason for eating Soy-burgers.

However, you can put me down as opposed to both.

























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DVD Review: VAN HELSING

Title: VAN HELSING

Year of Release—Film: 2004

Year of Release—DVD: 2004

DVD Label: Universal Studios Home Entertainment


Perhaps the most eagerly anticipated film of the 2004 Summer Season, VAN HELSING was certainly the most discussed film released that year. Depending upon what you were expecting from this film, you either thought it was tremendously entertaining, or a complete insult to the history and tradition of Universal Horror. As one of the strongest proponents of the classic Universal Horror Films, I can certainly see why some fans felt that the movie was a general insult to all things Universal. I also believe that they are wrong.

Stephen Sommers, best-known for the recent Universal MUMMY films, does a fair job here, but let’s be honest: Great Horror this isn’t, no more than they were. There’s very little in here that would scare anyone over the age of eight, certainly nothing that would terrify most in the audience. VAN HELSING is an adventure film, more akin to RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK than the great Universal Horror films of the ‘30’s and ‘40’s.

Sommers’ script, while it serves the purpose, is long on action and short on plot. The dialogue is execrable, and the characters, for the most part, are simply unlikable. It has the same tongue-in-cheek humor that made the two MUMMY films so successful, but lacks the characters (and the actors) that can pull it off.

Sommers’ direction, though widely excoriated, is really perfect for the type of movie that this is, just as it was for THE MUMMY and THE MUMMY RETURNS. He can construct an action scene with the best, and he has a terrific sense of humor that keeps the mood light and rollicking, with the feel of a Saturday matinee serial. It is the wrong feel entirely for a horror film; but as I said earlier, this isn’t a Horror film.

The cast, with rare exception, is unremarkable. I felt that every one of the lead actors missed the mark, some quite badly. Hugh Jackman’s status as a star completely baffles me; Kate Beckinsale is much better seen than heard; David Wenham, as Friar Carl, Van Helsing’s assistant, is good but the role is far too minor to help. There are two stand-outs in the cast: one in a minor role, one in a major; one a very positive stand-out, one very negative.

The positive accolades go to Kevin O’Connor, whose role as Igor is very similar to the character of Benny that he played in THE MUMMY. With a gift for quirky, strange characters, his comedic deadpan delivery is perfect for this material, and is responsible for most of the humor that works in this movie. My only complaint regarding him is that he gets so little screen-time. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the film’s other stand-out, Richard Roxburgh as Dracula.

Easily the worst performance in this movie, Roxburgh rapidly supplanted Frank Langella as my least favorite actor in that role. Hammy, overblown, a man who emotes wildly while proclaiming his utter lack of emotion, his is a job of acting that would embarrass one of Ed Wood’s troupe of players. I know Christopher Lee is a little old for the role, but hair dye is cheap, and they’re doing wonderful things with make-up these days.

The cinematography looks good, not great, but acceptable. The Special Effects are the true star of the film; and, as with the rest of the ‘cast’, sometimes they work, and sometimes they don’t. The Wolf-Man design, while not perfect, is the best of the CGI Monsters, and the Vampire Brides are also very effective; while the Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde character is by far the worst. Described by one reviewer as “Shrek with Hair”, the Hyde design is wholly unbelievable, bearing no resemblance whatsoever to any screen Hyde I’ve ever seen. However, the Frankenstein’s Monster, played well by Shuler Hensley, is primarily done with traditional make-up effects, and works extremely well. It’s perhaps the best-looking Frankenstein’s Monster since Karloff last wore the boots.

The feel and atmosphere of the film is there, but not as convincingly as with Sommers’ previous movies. As with most facets of this film, it’s hit-or-miss, with the hits slightly outweighing the misses. The CGI is overused, and is, in many cases, simply unrealistic looking, which destroys what little believability the movie manages to build.

To sum it up, this is an enjoyable movie; not great, not Movie-of-the-Year, but enjoyable if you keep your expectations low. I think that most of the negative feelings about this movie were the result of unreasonable expectations; people believing that they’d see computer-generated clones of Karloff, Lugosi, and Chaney, Jr., or experience a truly terrifying film. I kept my expectations low, and, as a result, found myself generally pleased with the movie. My main problem with it is that it is a very good 25-35 million-dollar movie. Unfortunately, it cost 150 million to make. Despite the huge cost of the picture, this comes off as a very cheap movie: The CGI is unconvincing; the acting is barely adequate; the script is, to put it kindly, weak. Things that might be overlooked in a low-budget Indie stand out in a major-studio, big-budget production. Still, I enjoyed this film, while not being blind to it’s flaws. I’d call it a Bargain-bin candidate… not first on the must-see list, but still worth seeing.

















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07 March, 2009

A Creature in my Backyard: The Universal Horror that was filmed in my hometown

In the mid to late 1950’s, Universal Studios, then known as Universal-International, began to regain some of its status as the Horror studio. Movies such as THIS ISLAND EARTH, THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN, and THE MOLE-PEOPLE went a long way towards restoring the reputation that had been lost when Universal’s stable of monsters had become the comedic foils of the studio’s hottest property of the period, Abbott & Costello. True fans of the Universal Horrors were appalled at the state to which their beloved monsters had been reduced, and longed for a return to the glory that the studio had enjoyed twenty years before. The movie that answered those wishes, began Universal’s renaissance, and restored the monsters and, in a larger sense Horror Films, to their rightful place in the genre hierarchy, was Jack Arnold’s 1954 classic CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON.

The success of CREATURE… virtually guaranteed a sequel and production soon began on REVENGE OF THE CREATURE, released in 1955. Set primarily in North Florida, at the fictitious Ocean Harbor Aquarium, it was filmed in Jacksonville, as well as nearby towns of St. Augustine and Silver Springs Florida. Marineland, located near St. Augustine, doubled for the film’s Aquarium.

Once again Jack Arnold had the helm of this production, and the story flows smoothly from the first, with a second team of researchers tracking the Gill-Man into the Black lagoon. Nestor Pavia, in a brief but satisfying reprise of his role as Lucas, skipper of the Rita II, relates the story of the first expedition to the new team as they journey deeper into the Gill-Man’s lair. The group soon encounters the object of their search, and, after a brief struggle, manages to capture the creature.

They deliver the now-captive Gill-Man to the Ocean Harbor Aquarium, in northern Florida. John Agar, as Biologist Prof. Clete Ferguson, is brought in to study the creature, with Lori Nelson as his beautiful assistant, Helen Dobson. They soon come to the realization that he has an intelligence that goes beyond the simple animal cunning they expect, as well as the fact that he is attracted to Dobson. He’s not the only one, as both Ferguson and Joe Hayes, played by John Bromfield, vie for the affections of the young beauty. Hayes, Ocean Harbor’s chief diver, is working with the scientists, and is responsible for their safety.

The Gill-Man, meanwhile, is testing the boundaries of his new habitat. Chained to the bottom of the tank, he soon establishes the limitations of his freedom, as well as the strength of the chains that bind him. In a moment’s carelessness, he breaks his bonds and escapes his tank, killing Hayes and spreading terror throughout the park. He gets out of the Aquarium property, and heads for the nearby ocean, causing panic along the entire coast.

As the Navy and Coast Guard launch a massive search for the Gill-Man, Ferguson and Dobson cruise up the St. Johns River to Jacksonville, unaware that they are being followed by the fugitive creature. The Gill-Man, obsessed with the young woman, stalks her to her hotel room, but is frightened off by her dog. Still, he keeps a close watch on her, and finally attacks, abducting her from a restaurant where she and Ferguson are dining, escaping into the river.
The local police, as well as the military and civilian volunteers, launch a hunt for the creature along the riverbanks and creeks, with searchers on boats, on foot, and in cars. Two men find Dobson, passed out on a bank, but are attacked and mauled by the Gill-Man. But the creature is soon surrounded and, as Ferguson pulls the woman to safety, disappears into the water as a fusillade of gunfire erupts around him.

While not the ground-breaking block-buster that its predecessor was, REVENGE… was in many ways the equal of, and some would say superior to, CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON. From a technical standpoint, REVENGE… was a much nicer job of photography, especially when viewed in the original 3-D format. In the excellent audio commentary supplied with the CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON Legacy Collection, Tom Weaver, Bob Burns, and Lori Nelson discuss in great detail the advantage that the sequel enjoyed over the first film in this regard. Any mistakes and errors that had been made in photographing the original were corrected for this film, and the result was some truly beautiful, incredibly dynamic shots. Not even viewing the movie in 2-D on a television screen can completely disguise the effectiveness of the cinematography.

Contributing immeasurably to the film’s success is its convincing credibility. Rarely during the ‘50’s did a film capture its setting as well as REVENGE OF THE CREATURE. From the observation level at Marineland, to the Lobster House restaurant in Jacksonville, the fact that the movie was shot on the actual locations gives it an air of authenticity that helps draw the audience into the picture.

Another factor that added to the film’s believability was the superb casting. John Agar was perhaps the most accomplished lead actor working regularly in genre films during the ‘50’s. Talented, strong and handsome, he was the prototypical B-Movie leading man, carrying such films as TARANTULA, THE MOLE PEOPLE, and, of course, REVENGE OF THE CREATURE. Remembered primarily for being the first husband of Shirley Temple, (with whom he co-starred in the John Ford western classic FORT APACHE…) he had a moderately successful career, marred by a long personal struggle with alcohol. Agar died of emphysema in 2002, at the age of 81.

Lori Nelson was a 22-year old contract player at Universal when cast as Ichthyology major Helen Dobson. Nelson, whose debut was in the 1952 Western BEND OF THE RIVER, was a beautiful young blonde, well-suited to the role of John Agar’s assistant and love-interest. While lacking the strength and depth that Julie Adams’ Kay had in the original CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON, Nelson’s Helen was far from a shrinking violet; rather she was a well-educated, intelligent, atypically modern woman, pursuing a career in what would traditionally be considered a “Man’s” field, and expressing dismay at having to choose between that career and a more stereotypical, “housewife’s”, lifestyle. Still, she did fall into the same pattern that Universal required of all its leading ladies… the ability to scream loudly and look gorgeous while waiting to be rescued.

33-year old John Bromfield played Joe Hayes, Agar’s human rival for Nelson’s affections. Looking every bit the part of the Aquarium’s chief diver, his role was originally intended to be far more involved, with an open undercurrent of hostility running between the creature and he. Though that subplot didn’t quite make it into the finished movie, it does explain the Gill-Man’s vicious, fatal attack on Hayes as he escapes the Aquarium. Bromfield, who left acting in 1960 following a divorce, became a commercial fisherman, and recently passed away at the age of 83.

No discussion of the cast of this film would be complete without mentioning the two unsung stars of the film, Tom Hennessey and Ricou Browning. Hennessey, who played the Gill-Man for out-of-the-water shots, and Browning, who reprised his work as the creature for the underwater scenes, combined to portray one of the greatest Man-in-a-Rubber-Suit monsters ever. When compared to the creations of others, in films such as THE SHE-CREATURE and ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES, the Gill-Man was easily the most effective and natural-looking Monster design of the 1950’s; at least, from an American studio. Only Godzilla, from Japan’s Toho Studios, was his superior. Designed by Milicent Patrick and Bud Westmore for CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON, the Gill-Man suit was slightly revised for this sequel, most notably the head-piece, which was altered to give the actor inside better vision.

Taken together, all of these factors, in combination with an excellent script by Martin Berkeley and Jack Arnold’s sure, steady direction, produced one of the best, most memorable Creature Features of the decade… and one of this author’s personal favorites. One of the reasons for my love for this film is simple: Much of it was shot in my hometown.

Jacksonville Florida in the ‘50’s and ‘60’s was one of the state’s fastest growing cities, and (I make no claim of being unbiased here…) one of it’s most beautiful. Cut neatly in half by the wide, slow-moving St. John’s River, post-war Jacksonville was a city of Navy bases and Insurance companies, with a long, rich history.

Part of that history was a once-thriving motion-picture industry, with a reputation in the first decades of the last century that rivaled Hollywood’s at the time. Many silent films were shot in Jacksonville; indeed, many of Oliver Hardy’s (of Laurel & Hardy fame…) early movies were produced there.

Likewise St. Augustine, thirty miles south of Jacksonville, was a town steeped in history. Founded by the Spanish in 1565, it’s the oldest continuously inhabited city in the United States and, when I was a child, the tourist attraction in North Florida. Before the coming of Walt Disney World made Orlando the tourist Mecca that it is presently, thousands would flock to St. Augustine in the summer, to visit such attractions as the Castillo de San Marcos, an enormous 16th Century Spanish fortress, and Six-Gun Territory, a Wild West theme park.

Another huge attraction was Marineland. Long before Shamu was thrilling crowds at Sea World, dolphins were performing before cheering throngs at this Aquarium. A favorite location for field trips among area schools, I (as well as most of Jacksonville’s schoolchildren of the ‘60’s and ‘70’s…) was a frequent visitor there.

That was part of the fascination that this film held for a young Unimonster. I was perhaps 10 when I first saw this film on television, and was immediately captivated at seeing locations that I had actually visited in person featured in a Horror Film. From Marineland, to the familiar night-time lights of my city, to the Lobster House restaurant my parents used to dine at, I was amazed at the connections I had with this movie.

That is the primary reason that this movie remains so personally important to me. While all the Universal Horrors fill me with nostalgia, reminding me of happier, more care-free days, this is the only one with the power to actually transport me, albeit virtually, back to the hometown of my childhood… the only one that can, with a few glimpses of fondly-remembered locales, chase away the worries and troubles of middle-age. This movie, as much as anything can be, is a portal back in time. It is, for me, like another familiar St. Augustine attraction… the Fountain of Youth.













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Special Correspondence--Sexes in the Cinema: A Guy, a Gal, a Gill Man

When CreatureScape.com celebrated the 52nd anniversary of the CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON in the spring of 2006, Elizabeth Haney and John “The Unimonster” Stevenson took a closer look at this landmark film, from their unique perspectives across the aisle. Here’s that conversation, reprinted with gratitude to Elizabeth.

UNI: When you call yourself “Unimonster,” it’s just expected that you have an abiding love of all things Universal, especially one of their greatest creations. CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON certainly qualifies as one of their best. One of Universal’s “Big Five”, it has long been one of the most popular of the Universal Franchises. To me, personally, “Creech” has always been the best of a great decade. Though many great horror and sci-fi films came out in the 1950’s, CFTBL was unique. It was a movie that never failed to entertain me as a child, and still entertains me now as a grizzled aging Monsterkid.

EH: Creature from the Black Lagoon ranks as one of my all-time favorite monster movies in part because it's one of my earliest monster movie memories from back in the days when I would sneak back out of bed to watch late-night horror movies on television. The Creature made a tremendous impression on me back then, and my affection for him keeps growing through the years; I feel like every time I watch the movie, I get to know him a little better. And to know a Gill Man is to love him.

One thing that really sets the Gill Man apart from some other monsters is how sympathetic a character he is; you really feel sorry for the guy as you watch what he goes through. This is classic Jack Arnold (the director); he was a master at creating circumstances so we see the events through the eyes of the “monster” and sympathize with that character.

UNI: Well, something that Universal did better than anyone else was to create characters that, while qualifying as “Monsters”, are nonetheless sympathetic, solid, three-dimensional beings. Often evil, always dangerous, but still, they had depth. They had, for want of a better term, soul. Anyone who doubts that needs to re-examine Karloff’s portrayal of Frankenstein’s Monster in the original FRANKENSTEIN. The Creature stood apart from the common, ‘50’s B-Monster herd by giving us, not an atomically-mutated insect or invading alien, but a natural beast, at home in his element, posing no threat to anyone who did not threaten him. We transported ourselves into his world; we entered his home; we were, in essence, the invading aliens. He reacted no differently than would we in a similar situation, by fighting back with whatever weapons were at his disposal.

EH: As with other Universal monsters, it’s the look of the Gill Man himself that is a big part of why the movie is so outstanding. The artists who worked on the concept of the Creature and then created such a wonderful costume, along with the work of the actors who portrayed the Creature, help to make us forget there is a human under there. However, the setting makes it very special as well. As a kid I was mesmerized by this small group of people trapped on a boat in an exotic jungle world. This was no rambling Gothic castle or ruined watchtower: these people were stuck on a tiny boat in a hostile jungle on a very big river until they wrangled themselves out of the situation. This was also the first time I saw a woman in an active role in a horror film. Even though it's pretty limited by today's standards, as a little girl it was pretty heady stuff having a character I could project myself into. Kay was there as a researcher, part of the team; she had a reason to be there, and wasn't tagging along as a fiancée or wife.

UNI: The location shooting (at Florida’s Wakulla Springs State Park, as well as the Universal backlot…) also set this movie apart. It was easy as a young boy to see myself on the Rita, cruising far up the headwaters of the Amazon. While Universal never turned out a totally bad looking piece of film, some photographer’s work was better than others, and William Snyder’s work was some of their best in the ‘50’s. As to Julie Adams’ unusually strong characterization of Kay… though I can now see how groundbreaking the role was, when I first saw her on the screen that was the furthest thing from my mind.

EH: I really envied Kay for her chance to have such an exciting adventure! And even though the Creature was a little scary to me when I was a little (and made a gal think twice about going for a swim), I think on some level I understood that this was a monster who was not going to bother you unless you bothered him. Now, as a grown woman, I get uncomfortable with some of the interpretations of the sexual subtext in the movie. Some people see the story merely as the male creature wanting to possess the female human, the creature being in competition with the human males, which can tweak the story into some kind of racist rape allegory. That is certainly not in keeping with what Jack Arnold strives for in his movies. Why would he create a sympathetic monster that you are supposed to relate to and then give it criminal or ugly motive?

The movie is a retelling of the Beauty and the Beast story. It draws on elements from King Kong, but I think a major difference is in the character of Kay. Kay feels sorry for the Creature and we see and hear her express that clearly, in ways that Ann Darrow never did (or one might argue couldn’t). Kay even defends the Creature to the others and suggests they just leave him alone, and I really admired Kay for that!

To me, the more predatory battle for Kay is between the two human scientists, David and Mark. Their reactions seem so overblown and macho when they are pushed into competing for Kay, either between themselves or with the Creature.
Of course, there are two things that Mark wants and loves more than Kay. One is money and the other is that harpoon of his. And boy, does he love his harpoon. It's quite impressive in 3-D, and the corresponding dialogue when he describes the “positive weapon” is almost funny.
I see the Creature attracted to Kay not just for her beauty but because he sees someone with whom he relates. When David and Mark go diving in the water, it's very bold, and the sexual subtext is clearly there. The men prepare by putting on their scuba gear with grim determination. They penetrate the water, plunge, probe and generally intrude, bringing knives and harpoons no less.

Kay's approach to the water is completely different. She just smiles and slips into the water; no gear, no knives and harpoons, just Kay and her white bathing suit. Kay does not intrude in the Creature's world but flows into it. Kay delights in the beauty of the lagoon, appreciates the feel of the water on her body and her swimming says she is totally comfortable and at home. Small wonder the Creature feels he may have found a kindred spirit here. The Gill Man swims under her and matches her directions and strokes and when curiosity overcomes him he approaches her cautiously, gently, shyly and finally nervously touches her foot. It's almost a water ballet.
Even when the Gill Man pursues Kay in later scenes, I never get the impression he intends to harm her, which Kay also asserts in dialogue. This poor guy is lonely; whether he's been alone since the Devonian age or lost his mate or who knows what, Kay appears to be the first other being he's laid eyes on who understands and appreciates the beauty of his Black Lagoon. And she's not packing a harpoon.

UNI: While I might agree there is some sexual subtext, if not outright suggestiveness, in CFTBL, I don’t think I can agree with you on ALL of your points, Elizabeth. I mean seriously, even Freud might have a problem seeing a sexual context in the simple act of diving into the lagoon. I’ll admit you might have a point (no pun intended…) about Mark’s spear-gun… but sometimes a harpoon is just a harpoon!

Also, I do think there’s a certain sexual side to the Creature’s interest in Kay, just as I do think Kong had more than platonic feelings for Ann. It is a scientific fact that animals are attracted to menstruating women; animals such as chimps, orangutans, and dolphins have become aggressive in their interest for human women at that time. It’s not too hard to see that Creech could have such instinctive reactions. That hardly makes those impulses “criminal”; he is, after all, an animal. His actions, whether violence directed at the males of the expedition, or his interest in Kay, cannot, by definition, be criminal.

But I can’t agree with you enough on your description of how the Creature perceives Kay as she swims in the lagoon. In fact, I don’t think I could describe the scene any better than you did. It’s obvious that the Creature is captivated by Kay, perhaps to the point of obsession. As I watch the movie now, I can recognize the point at which the Creature’s motivation ceases to be the desire to eliminate a threat, to his growing curiosity and fascination with the woman.

Of course, none of this mattered, or even occurred to a nine year-old boy watching this movie for the first time while sitting three feet away from the TV late one Saturday night. I just wanted to see what all the monster-mags stacked in the corner of my bedroom were calling such a great classic. To me, classic meant Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster, The Mummy… maybe the Wolf-Man. Anything with so hokey a name as CREATURE in the title was usually relegated to the “Good, but not great…” pile in my mind. I’m happy to say that the magazines were right, and the Creature did, indeed, exceed my expectations.

EH: During that famous swim scene where the Creature sees Kay in his lagoon, I’ve often wondered about the wonderful white bathing suit and how much of the costuming choice there was deliberate and how much was just good fortune in terms of the effect it created. It’s white, and I’ve wondered if that was to emphasize the purity of Kay’s character, or if it was to create the wonderful image of just her shapely figure when backlit from above and filmed underneath, or perhaps a little of both, which creates some tension for the viewer. Julie Adams said that at the time the suit was almost a little racy, with the higher cut leg openings. My mother, who was a teen and worked in a movie theater when the movie came out, said seeing “Creature” inspired her to go shopping for a white bathing suit that year.

UNI: Kay’s pure white swimsuit is one of the iconic images that you carry with you from this film, and one that serves to illustrate just how powerful and effective Black & White photography could be. The stark contrast between her shimmering figure and the black and gray tones of the lagoon as she swam couldn’t have been just a fortuitous accident; it’s the job of the cinematographer to make such shots happen, and Snyder did that to perfection.

EH: Another scene that always impressed me, even way back, is when the Gill Man observes Kay toss a cigarette overboard. Growing up, my folks emphasized the importance of not littering and with a father who was an avid fisherman I spent a lot of time peering off the sides of boats. The camera captures such a powerful image there, the cigarette butt floating down in the water and the Creature observing this in a very bemused fashion. It seems like that little shot is intended to emphasize what was slowly happening in the lagoon. For me, a shift seems to occur at that point, it ups the ante a bit and his actions (even towards Kay) become more urgent and aggressive. Perhaps the Creature, who thought Kay saw his world the way he did, was disappointed to see her tossing junk in his water.

UNI: While my jerking knee is telling me that that’s a case of overanalyzing the scene, there’s enough documentation to establish that the environmental aspects of it were emphasized, as if the complicated shot set-ups weren’t proof that it was meant to be of some significance. I’m not sure that I see the change in attitude that you refer to, though. While the audience would grasp the significance of Kay’s polluting the pristine lagoon, however symbolically, I would argue that the Creature has no inkling that the item she tosses overboard was anything more than these strange creatures’ waste matter… certainly I would deny that Creech was “anti-smoking.”

EH: It’s fun to revisit this movie and celebrate the special people and circumstances that worked together to create not only a great monster movie, but to give birth to an iconic monster figure. How fortunate we are that “Captain” Jack Arnold and crew sailed down the Amazon and gave us the opportunity to discover, meet and love the Gill Man, and how fortunate we are to have him still with us today!

UNI: I agree completely with that, Elizabeth. You know, it’s been over thirty years since I first saw this film, and since then, I’ve probably sat through a hundred or so viewings of it. I’ve never been bored by it, and frankly, that’s a lot more than I can say for some of today’s films.




































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DVD Review: Universal Monster Legacy Collection—CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON

Title: Universal Monster Legacy Collection—CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON

Year of Release—Film: 1954, 1955, 1956

Year of Release—DVD: 2005

DVD Label: Universal Studios Home Entertainment



[Ed. Note: As I was working on this piece, news came that Ben Chapman, the gentle giant who gave life to the Gill-Man when he was out of the water in the first film, had succumbed to illness in a Honolulu hospital. He was 79.

Those who were fortunate enough to have met Ben often remark at how much he loved the fans, and how much he enjoyed interacting with them at the various conventions where he was a regular, and very popular, guest. Sadly, I never had that opportunity, and now it’s gone forever.

But his work, the work Monster-fans have loved for generations, lives on. And even those of us who weren’t lucky enough to have met the man can still visit with him, as often as we like.]

One of the greatest monsters Universal ever created, the Gill-Man, starred in three features for the studio in the Mid-‘50’s: CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON, arguably the greatest American Horror film of that decade; REVENGE OF THE CREATURE, set, and filmed, in my home town, it’s always been a personal favorite, and; THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US, the weakest of the trilogy.

When their first three Legacy Collections (DRACULA; FRANKENSTEIN; and THE WOLF-MAN…) became such huge hits among fans, Universal quickly decided to release three more sets, featuring their remaining top-tier franchises. Soon, fans were lining up to grab the MUMMY, THE INVISIBLE MAN, and, of course, the CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON Legacy Collections.

The three CREATURE films are some of Universal’s finest, especially from the 1950’s. The first is perhaps the greatest American Horror—Sci-Fi film of the decade.

1.) CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON: The first, and definitely the best, of the Trilogy finds a party of scientists journeying up the Amazon in search of fossilized remains of a legendary fish-man. With Richard Carlson, Richard Denning, and Julie Adams in the lead, and with Nestor Pavia doing an inspired job as Lucas, the captain of the riverboat Rita, the group discovers a good deal more than expected, as a living, breathing Gill-Man attacks these intruders into his domain. Jack Arnold’s sure direction keeps a less than ideal script moving, but it’s the superbly executed design of the Gill-Man, played on land by Ben Chapman and underwater by Ricou Browning, that transformed this film into the classic it is today.

2.) REVENGE OF THE CREATURE: My personal favorite of the series, due to it’s being filmed in and around my hometown of Jacksonville Florida, this entry finds the Creature captured and transported to the Ocean Harbor Aquarium in Florida. Once there, scientists John Agar and Lori Nelson study him, but he eventually escapes causing panic up and down the coast. Once again directed by Arnold, this lacks the iconic quality of the original, but works very well as a B-grade “Popcorn pic”, perfect for viewing with the kids on a Saturday evening.

3.) THE CREATURE WALKS AMONG US: By far the weakest of the three films in the set, the final outing for the Gill-Man is the only one lacking Arnold’s deft touch, and it definitely shows. John Sherwood, who would direct the excellent THE MONOLITH MONSTERS for Universal a year later, clearly had no grasp on how to handle the Creature franchise. A party of scientists set out to capture the Gill-Man, now living in the Florida Everglades, and in the process manages to set him ablaze. Though injured severely, they are able to save his life by transforming him into an air-breather, thereby removing the Creature forever from his natural environment.

These Legacy collections were phenomenal, gathering together all the best of Universal Horror… and the CREATURE set was one of the best. With all three films featured, as well as new commentary tracks and special features, there’s something for every Gill-Man fan here.
Though there were many reports of poor quality in the first three Legacy’s, Universal had most of the kinks worked out by the time they released the subsequent three volumes. At any rate, none of my sets evinced the problems encountered by others.

The sets themselves are objects of beauty, splendidly rendered packages for the treasures contained within. Using the Digipak® cases Universal Studios Home Entertainment favors for its special projects, these are about as close as you can get to bound library editions of DVD’s.
The two discs themselves are well-designed, with a common menu style and a simple, well-thought-out functionality. Every movie is subtitled; always a plus to the Unimonster, and the video and audio quality is far better than my beat-up old VHS’s.

The key Special Feature in the set is the documentary BACK TO THE BLACK LAGOON, hosted by film historian David J. Skal. This enjoyably entertaining look at the creation of Universal’s last Horror icon features interviews with such notable experts on the Gill-Man as Bob Burns, Monster collector extraordinaire and owner of the last Creature head taken from the original mold of Ben Chapman; and David J. Schow, author. Also interviewed are the three surviving (at that time…) major cast members: Julie Adams, Ben Chapman, and Ricou Browning. Lori Nelson, who played Helen Dobson in the sequel, REVENGE OF THE CREATURE, is also interviewed during a segment examining that film.

Each film also has an interesting and informative commentary track; of which, REVENGE’s is the best. It features Lori Nelson, Bob Burns, and Horror movie expert Tom Weaver, and is full of Nelson’s behind-the-scenes memories and insights that keep this from being just another dry lecture, as so many commentaries of older films are. For instance, the Gill-Man wasn’t the only one who had amorous intentions toward Helen; the director, Jack Arnold, also tried to arrange a private rendezvous, which Nelson was able to avoid with some adroit maneuvering.

Add in the standard poster and stills gallery, and the theatrical trailers, and you have a collection that will satisfy the most dedicated “Gillie.”

I’ve always loved the Creature; how could I not? No other Monster in the history of Horror, with the possible exception of Kong, is so innocent yet so put upon. In the space of three films, his habitat is invaded twice; he is shot, stabbed, harpooned, poisoned, dynamited, netted, burned, captured, carried halfway across the world, transformed through surgery, and has his heart broken… repeatedly! It sounds like a week’s worth of “General Hospital”, for God’s sake! He needs either the Humane Society, or a good personal injury lawyer.

Though the Legacy set are out of print, they’re still available through a variety of sources, and at reasonable prices. Everyone who considers themselves fans of classic Horror Films really must have, not only the Creature Legacy set, but the entire Legacy series. Or quit calling yourself a fan of classic Horror.











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28 February, 2009

Bob Quarry: The Grooviest Vampire of All

In the eighty-seven years since Max Shreck won fame as the first great movie vampire in F. W. Murnau’s NOSFERATU, hundreds of actors and actresses have slipped a set of fangs into their mouths, adopted a bad Romanian accent, and followed in his footsteps. Most, such as Tom Cruise or David Bowie, have been forgettable. Some were simply odd, such as Eddie Murphy or David Niven. A few were superb, becoming for their time the ideal representation of the undead bloodsucker… Christopher Lee and Gary Oldman are two who fit that description. And one—Bela Lugosi—earned immortality as the ultimate vampire, Count Dracula.

But one actor managed to capture the culture and feel of the time in which he worked better than anyone else. That actor is Robert Quarry, and the movie was 1970’s COUNT YORGA—VAMPIRE. Written and directed by Bob Kelljan, YORGA… was a vampire movie for the Mod generation, and the eponymous Count was the perfect representation of that breed of monster for the Swinging ‘70’s.

There would be other efforts to modernize the vampire mythos, to bring the ultimate gothic genre into the era of the Beatles and Bell-Bottoms; most would fail miserably. Hammer Films, two years after YORGA…, would drag Christopher Lee’s Dracula into the 20th Century in DRACULA A.D. 1972. To say that it was a lackluster outing for Lee’s iconic Count would be extremely kind; the movie was a dog. Everything that had made Hammer’s productions unique and noteworthy was gone, and left little more than an average AIP B-Picture’s worth of entertainment. Not even the return of Peter Cushing to his greatest role, that of Van Helsing, could rescue this floater.

And in 1974, David Niven, in one of his most unusual roles, played an elderly Count Dracula looking for virgin’s blood to rejuvenate his dead wife. So where does he go to find it? Where else… London’s swinging hippie counter-culture, that’s where! Though OLD DRACULA is moronic, Niven is an acceptable Count, and no one takes themselves too seriously. The result is pleasant enough, an entertaining diversion if not a particularly memorable film.

But when it comes to vampires for the Sgt. Pepper crowd, Quarry’s Count Yorga stands head and shoulders above the rest. Quarry imbued his Count with youthful vitality and charisma, and created a thoroughly modern vampire, without the dust and cobwebs of centuries past clogging the scene. Hippies and Flower-Children could relate to Yorga in a way they couldn’t with other movie bloodsuckers of the period. He could dress like them, and talk like them. He was in many ways one of them, though much closer to their parents in age.

Born November 3rd, 1925, Bob had worked regularly in Hollywood since 1951, though he made his film debut in Hitchcock’s 1943 classic SHADOW OF A DOUBT. (Unfortunately, all of Bob’s scenes wound up being cut…) He was a steady character actor in television throughout the 1950’s, and earned his first motion-picture screen credit in the 1956 film-noir classic A KISS BEFORE DYING, as Dwight Powell. For most of the ‘50’s and ‘60’s Bob divided his time between Film, TV, and Theater, appearing in many notable productions. But it was 1970’s COUNT YORGA, VAMPIRE that catapulted Bob to Horror stardom.

He would follow that performance a year later with a sequel, THE RETURN OF COUNT YORGA, opposite Mariette Hartley. It did well, though not quite as entertaining as the first, and Bob Quarry had officially begun his ‘Genre’ period.

He would star in four more horror films by the end of 1974: DR. PHIBES RISES AGAIN; DEATHMASTER; SUGAR HILL; and MADHOUSE. Each was an excellent example of ‘70’s Horror; entertaining, exploitive, campy… all the things that Horror fans treasure about that era in film. The sequel to THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES is even crazier and campier than the first, and his role as Vincent Price’s nemesis, Darius Biederbock, is one of his best. Likewise, his performance as Morgan, the gangster who incurs the wrath of the Voo-Doo priestess Sugar Hill in the movie of the same name, is very good. The role of Oliver Quayle, in MADHOUSE, was a minor one though Quarry did well with it. However, it was as Khorda, the leader of a hippie vampire cult, that he cemented his status as the “Grooviest Vampire Ever.”

Bob slowed down considerably in the early ‘80’s due to injuries suffered in a serious auto accident, but he was back before the cameras again by the end of the decade. His output might not have been as prolific, but he worked steadily through the end of the ‘90’s. It was recently announced that he would be appearing in Mark Redfield’s A TELL-TALE HEART, along with Ingrid Pitt, Debbie Rochon and Kevin Shinnick. Unfortunately, that film was not to be. Bob Quarry passed away after a long illness on Friday, February 20th, 2009. Robert Quarry was blessed with many people who cared for him, from close friends to fans he’s never met. Tim Sullivan, the director of 2001 MANIACS, along with actor Kevin Shinnick, Forry Ackerman’s personal assistant Joe Moe, and others, reached out to help an old Vampire in his time of need.

Far too many of the great Horror icons of our youth have left us already; we need to take care of the ones who are left, and keep them with us as long as possible. Christopher Lee, Kevin McCarthy, Bob Burns… these are the people who inspired my love of Horror, and continue to feed it today. And Robert Quarry certainly belonged in that group. He may no longer be with us, but he’s still responsible for some of the Unimonster’s favorite Monster moments. And he’s still the Grooviest Vampire in Horror Films.
























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The Monsters in Monotone: The Horror Art of Chris Kuchta

I would like to think that there are many things I can do well, and many topics upon which I can offer intelligent discourse. I can fieldstrip a .45 cal. service pistol in 30 seconds, and bake a lasagna that would bring tears of joy to Tony Soprano’s eyes. I can discuss, without embarrassing myself, both the Iliad of Homer and the latest exploits of Homer… Simpson, that is. I derive equal pleasure from Tchaikovsky’s Andante Cantabile and Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar on Me.

However, there are many areas in which I must profess total or near-total ignorance, and Art is one of them. It’s not that I’m not interested, it’s simply that I know nothing about it. And, as in most areas of my life, my tastes in art tend to be very conservative. Generally speaking, the more a piece of artwork looks like what it’s supposed to represent, the better. Whether it’s the Pin-up girls of Alberto Vargas, the Civil War paintings of Don Troiani, the Americana of Norman Rockwell, or the Famous Monsters covers of Basil Gogos, I like what I like, and what I like doesn’t include some Cubist nightmare of a woman with three eyes and four breasts… all on the same side of her body. Heretofore, I’ve quite comfortably avoided discussing art here, well aware that my readers don’t come to the Crypt looking for my opinions on that subject.

Recently however, a friend mentioned an artist she had encountered at a convention in Chicago, one that impressed her tremendously. While our tastes don’t always sync up, when it comes to Classic Horror, whether movie or art, we usually see eye-to-eye. She arranged a telephone introduction between this artist, a young man named Chris Kuchta and myself.

After this telephone conversation, Chris e-mailed me some examples of his work. I was struck by the unique style he brought to our beloved Monsters. Rendered in varying shades of reddish-brown on white, it’s as though he created the images in blood on bone, which has since dried to an overall sepia tint. The effect is stunning; stunning, and wholly appropriate to the theme.

Chris, a self-described Monster-fan, first fell in love with the creatures of the night when, as a six-year-old, he watched an episode of the “Son of Svengoolie” show. The feature that night was FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE WOLF-MAN, and as so often happened before and since, a Monster-Kid was born.

In Chris’ own words, he then “…grew at a geometric rate, suckled on a pure diet of horror, art, comics and BBQ chicken.” He received his formal art education at the American Academy of Art in Chicago, and now heads his own school of art instruction, the Kuchta Academy. When not occupied teaching, he is a freelance illustrator and comic artist.

Horror is, in many ways, an excellent genre in which to work for artists. With so much of the fantastic to it, there are numerous examples of Horror imagery that cannot be adequately expressed except through paint on canvas, or ink on artist’s board. As a writer, I’ve always felt that the written word was man’s best medium of expression; but the old dictum “a picture’s worth a thousand words” still rings true today. I can describe the snarl of rage on the Bride’s face as she is introduced to her prospective mate, but Chris’ illustration so perfectly captures the moment that words are not necessary. His impression of Dracula in the darkened corridor, menacingly evil, shrouded by shadows, conveys in one image the power, and the horror, of Lugosi’s characterization.

As I alluded to before, I’m no art critic; Hell, I don’t even consider myself a movie critic. In my mind, a critic is someone who’s paid to convince the movie-going public that the movies they love are garbage, and the movies that can’t earn back the cost of their catering are the greatest images ever captured on film. I simply tell you what I like, and why; or what I don’t like, and why. I also feel obligated, since I have this soapbox (such that it is…), to highlight people or projects that advance a love of, and appreciation for, Classic Horror. Chris Kuchta’s artwork does just that, in blood-tinged spades, and I’m happy to offer him what support I can. So should you.

If you edit or publish a Monster Magazine, then by all means consider using his work to illustrate it. If you have a special piece in mind, he’ll happily discuss a possible commission… just contact him. Or if you just like the pictures that I’ve used to illustrate this article and would like to see much more of his work, then go to his web-site, follow the link to his Monster Art, and buy a print or two, for a very reasonable price.

Because when we find something we like in this world of Horror fandom, we need to get behind it. And I for one like the artwork of Chris Kuchta.


For more information regarding Chris’ work, or to discuss a commissioned piece, please go to: http://www.kuchta-academy.com, or e-mail him at: bloodedemon@netscape.net.






























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DVD Review: HATCHET (Unrated Director’s Cut)

Title: HATCHET (Unrated Director’s Cut)

Year of Release—Film: 2006

Year of Release—DVD: 2007

DVD Label: Lion’s Gate Home Entertainment



THE MOVIE

Everyone who’s into film dreams about getting a bunch of buddies together and making a movie of their own. Adam Green and his friends actually did that, in a process that began with two guys going to New Orleans and surreptitiously shooting footage for a trailer while on a swamp tour; it ended with a kick-ass old-fashioned Unstoppable Slasher movie that involves some of the biggest names in Horror.

Set in New Orleans, the story revolves around two buddies in town for Mardi Gras, Ben and Marcus. (Played very well by Joel David Moore and Deon Richmond) They separate from their friends to go investigate a haunted swamp tour, and wind up as part of a group consisting of an older married couple; a “producer” shooting a girls-gone-wild type video and his models, who conveniently flash their considerable assets at every opportunity; a mysterious local girl; a Chinese tour operator; and our two heroes.

The tour boat winds up sinking in a part of the bayou that’s closed off, supposedly due to the presence of an undead boogeyman by the name of Victor Crowley. Crowley, the deformed son of a bayou fisherman, burned to death years before as a result of a Halloween prank. Now, he haunts the bayou, killing anyone who lingers near the burned-out shell of his home.

The story is adequate for the purpose, and borrows freely from such Horror standards as the FRIDAY THE 13TH movies and the HALLOWEEN films. Still, it’s done well, and the viewer doesn’t come away with the feeling that it’s just a rip-off of better movies. First-time director Adam Green demonstrates a thorough understanding of the genre, as well as a grasp on how to mix the comedic and horrific elements of the plot into a (mostly) seamless whole.

The film is helped along in large part to the casting of a couple of genre veterans in small roles, and one, Kane Hodder, in a major role as Crowley. The experience and fan appeal that Robert Englund, Tony Todd, and Hodder bring to the production overcomes the admittedly miniscule star power of the lead cast.



THE DISC

If writing these reviews has taught me anything, it’s which distributors know how to package a movie for DVD release, and which don’t. Lion’s Gate Home Entertainment definitely belongs in the former category. I’ve yet to see a poorly-done DVD from them, and their discs are usually so well-done that I can’t help commenting on that fact. HATCHET is no different, and even the most jaded videophiles should be pleased with the quality of this release.



THE SPECIAL FEATURES

This disc has a full range of Special Features, including commentary tracks, interviews, behind-the-scenes featurettes, and the original trailer that gave the film it’s start. The best of these features is ANATOMY OF A KILL, an in-depth examination of just how one of the movie’s signature “kills” was conceived and carried out, without the use of CGI… and without a visible cut in the film! The scene in question is one of the best in the film, and knowing how it was done only makes the viewer marvel more at the ingenuity of the filmmakers.

Another feature worth watching is the genesis of the film, from Green’s childhood nightmares to finished movie. The story of how a small group of friends came together with a dream of making a good, old-fashioned Horror Film, and succeeded, is inspiring to those of us who share similar dreams.



IN CONCLUSION

Though it got scant attention from the mainstream press, the Horror community really sat up and took notice of HATCHET, conferring several important awards upon it. I can only agree with that recognition, as it’s easily one of the best movies of the year; certainly the best shot independently, for less than $15 million or so.

Of course, it does have flaws… every movie does. But given the limitations the filmmakers were working under, these flaws aren’t any real obstacles to enjoying the film. They’re the same problems you’d encounter with virtually any Low-Budget movie, and true fans of B-Grade Horror Films won’t be bothered by them.

Still, I wouldn’t pay full price for it, not that there are many movies that I would go full boat on. Fortunately, I found my copy in the $9.44 Bargain Rack at Wal-Mart. I have no qualms about going a ten-spot on an impulse DVD purchase, and believe me, I wasn’t disappointed. I don’t think you will be, either.


















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